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Wednesday, May 22, 2024

Spring is officially upon us: the birds and bees are buzzing and boinking, my dog is howling at the moon and most of you probably ended your winter sex slump on Spring Break.

Last week presented a good opportunity, as you were probably tan, free-spirited and stress-free. And yet for some of you the slump continues on, which might explain the overly aggressive/angry girl who nearly knocked me off my feet shoving her way through Turlington yesterday.

This is for you.

A recent "Today" show/iVillage poll said there are real consequences to a sex slump - you know, besides the worn-out vibe batteries or an empty bottle of cucumber melon lotion.

But in all truth, a sex slump causes self-esteem to drop, anxieties to rise and testosterone levels of both sexes to plunge. All of these only further propel the vicious cycle, so it's no wonder those dry spells are so darn hard to climb out of. But there is a way.

Whether you're single or attached, we all go through stages: one second we're feeling hot, the next we're colder than a brass toilet on an iceberg.

The thing is, people are attracted to the hotness. To clarify, "hotness" is really just confidence with a dash of arrogance. Once you put out that "I'm hot and know it" vibe, it magically, almost supernaturally, will lift the heavy veil of your sex slump and, voila, the curse is vanquished.

You see, the fairy godmother does exist, only she's masked as your hairstylist, pedicurist, Brazilian waxer, the roommate who straightens your hair, or whoever gives you confidence.

A little pampering and posing in the mirror can do wonders to boost your mood, which automatically ups your chances of attracting someone.

Guys, this is true for you too. Why do you think the ladies always comment when you get your hair cut, wear something other than your ragged jeans or shave? It's because the difference automatically attracts us, and it gives us a talking point.

Plus, by spending time on your outsides, you're actually helping your insides. Whether you pee standing or sitting, the effects of a dry spell are essentially emotional and hormonal, so obviously the remedy needs to correct those imbalances.

Caring for yourself is a quick way to jump-start your serotonin, a neurotransmitter that effects the modulation of anger and body temperature, as well as mood and sexuality.

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A sex slump is within your control, so change your mindset - see yourself as sexy and others will follow suit. Or maybe consider investing in the 24-pack of batteries.

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