Despite what some scientists claim is the next great mass extinction, a new species has emerged after Sen. Barack Obama was named the presumptive nominee for the Democratic Party. This fierce, new species, called the PUMA, is a mammal in the Hillary Clintonae family and is native to the Americas.
This new breed of PUMA lurks in the deep, dark depths of the comments section of the Cafferty File blog, one of its most common habitats. They are most active around dawn and dusk, infiltrating the dense underbrush of the Internet. They feed on rationality and are known for their shrill cry, which sounds somewhat like, "Second place is the same as first place."
This contingent of Sen. Hillary Clinton supporters began referring to themselves as PUMAs. PUMA, as I came to learn after a great deal of confusion, stood for "Party Unity My Ass." They quickly became known for their baseless rants, annoying threats and strong hind legs for catching up with quicker prey.
After amusing myself by reading inane comments for a few weeks, I started to wonder: Who are these people, really? Surely, not everyone who voted for Clinton in the primaries is so riled up about her narrow loss to Obama that they would try to form some subversive group to distract the party from its goal of reclaiming the White House.
I've read a lot about the supposed 18 million voters who apparently want Clinton running for the Donkey Party, or they will switch their votes to Sen. John McCain, the presumptive Republican nominee.
This seems unrealistic to me since Clinton is ideologically closer to Obama than McCain.
If people wanted so badly for her to run the country, it doesn't make sense that their second choice wouldn't be somebody who would at least have a relatively similar administration.
I spent a fair amount of my summer perusing the comments on CNN.com's various blogs, which are apparently the natural habitat of PUMAs. For every story, even ones that had absolutely nothing to do with the presidential election (therefore, not the fun ones), I was told that Obama and his mean, nasty supporters are rich, elitist snobs who hate America, women, blue-collar citizens and fluffy, little kittens.
I see the rise of the PUMA as a need for ventilation after an extremely heated primary. The organizers of the Democratic National Convention have agreed and have stated that not only will Clinton get a prime speaking time in Denver, but her pledged delegates will also be able to cast their votes for her, despite her suspending her campaign over the summer.
Call it a cave-in to an extremely vocal minority (which is what I call it), but ultimately, it seems necessary to bring the Democratic Party back together in time to win back that prime habitat called the White House in November.
Ben Cohen is a student at the University of Kansas.
