The growing chants of "start the buses" resonate every time you pick up The New York Times, tune in to MSNBC or check out the latest poll numbers. Much like Clemson's football season, the McCain-Palin campaign is for all intents and purposes a lost cause.
Thanks for playing, guys; shake hands and go shower up.
What is a politician - in this case, Sen. John McCain - to do when public opinion of him continues to plummet, and Sen. Barack Obama has just scored sympathy points for suspending his campaign to visit his ailing grandmother?
Yes, John, there are some legitimate reasons for suspending a campaign, but I doubt a follow-up would bode too well for you right now. Less than two weeks remain until Election Day, and there isn't one last look into the Republican bag of tricks to save face?
For McCain to win the presidential election, he must toss the nation a curveball and channel his inner Jay Billington Bulworth.
The 1998 Warren Beatty film "Bulworth" focuses on the final weekend on the campaign trail with a senator who decides to let loose and start telling the nation how he really feels. Instead of sticking to the script, Bulworth begins to enjoy himself and have a little fun with his campaign - becoming a media darling overnight.
Hasn't McCain pretended to do that the whole time?
I'm not talking about "straight talk" or more of the same humdrum language about being a maverick. He needs to spend a Friday evening clubbing with Curt Schilling in Boston, piss off some people using humor in his stump speech and find his own Halle Berry to have an affair with backstage. Sorry, Cindy.
Even if the real John McCain is a boring, tired old man, he must take the next two weeks to convince the American people otherwise. What does he have to lose?
The McCain campaign must transition from a litany of tired speeches and cliché one-liners to a nationwide rock tour full of shock and awe. It worked once, didn't it, Dubya?
Like Rocky Balboa shrugging off Mickey in that old Lipton iced tea commercial when he was told "It's over, Rock," McCain needs to forget about all the naysayers and find it within himself to woo the masses.
Make an appearance on stage with Lil Wayne. Get a cameo on "Entourage." Have a drink, John. Live your life.
I challenge anyone to chastise my suggestions for McCain without first looking at what he has done recently without making up any significant ground.
Baseless attacks on Obama about "pallin' around with terrorists"? Accusing him of being a socialist? Calling into question the man's religion?
Now that's brisk, baby.
These ridiculous remarks ooze desperation, digging the McCain-Palin campaign into a hole so deep that nothing short of a Music City Miracle will keep them competitive Nov. 4.
My seemingly unorthodox tips for McCain might very well give him new political life and keep his campaign from being fully zipped up in a body bag. Excite the American people for once and become a larger-than-life figure - it has worked for Obama since day one.
A loss in the presidential election, and that's all she wrote for McCain. This is his last shot. It's either win now or face political oblivion; president or put out to pasture.
If McCain can channel the mentality of Jay Bulworth, then maybe he can entertain thoughts of a victory come Election Day.
Daniel Seco is a journalism graduate student. His column appears on Thursdays.
