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Wednesday, April 24, 2024

One of the perks of bartending is that I get to people-watch during lulls. People-watching in a bar gives you insight into relationships that no psychology class could accomplish. Couples who come into the bar generally fit into a few types, and I have found they are by far the most entertaining people to watch.

A classic example of the couple everybody loves to hate is the overly affectionate couple that insists on sucking face at the bar for 20 minutes at a time. Although you might feel like nobody is watching, they are, and most of them don't need to see your slobber-fest. Please get a room or at the very least a dark corner.

On the other end of the spectrum is the couple who can't quite decide whether they love or hate each other. This couple has usually surpassed the typical level of intoxication and runs the gamut of emotions while at the bar. I saw one a few days ago that alternated between crying, screaming and laughing before the girl finally stormed away. About an hour later they were at other end of the bar, apparently back in love again.

Not every couple who comes into the bar is actually dating. There is the girl and guy who always come together but act like each other's wing-person. These two act like a couple when they're together but clearly have decided to keep their options open. Occasionally only one member of the wingman couple will find another person of interest, which transforms the wing into the dreaded third wheel.

The rarest type of couple who comes into the bar is the one that somehow thinks Midtown is a great place for a first date. Generally any place with a blasting jukebox and large population of drunken college students does not provide the best environment for a relationship to grow, but chances are the first date couple is so familiar with the surroundings that they spend most of their time talking to friends instead of their date.

Next time you're out, see if you can spot one of these couples at the bar. Their antics will either remind you of PSY 2012 from freshman year or the best and worst of the Discovery Channel. In either case, it will be a show you won't forget.

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