Oh, glorious day. Spring break is finally here.
Time to abandon the books, put aside the midterms and throw on your bathing suit for ten days of absurd shenanigans and irrationality.
But let's be serious, you probably won't have your bathing suit on for that long, considering the No. 1 thing lingering on everyone's mind during spring break: sex.
That's right. Spring break is when sex can be treated casually. This means one-night stands (and as many as you want) because there are no attachments or feelings on spring break. It's simply the time to get wasted, get naked and get it on.
You'll be sipping on piña coladas and strawberry daiquiris all day, allowing the alcohol and sun to fry your brain, which will lead you to make bad - but very fun - decisions.
Your spring break stupor will bring you on adventures you could have never dreamed of. You'll make out with everyone, participate in a ridiculous MTV-esque game show and if you're crazy enough, you'll even end up on "Girls Gone Wild."
But, considering most students' travel arrangements, the door of opportunity is wide open for where sexual antics can take place. You've got the beach, the hot tub, the pool, the lawn chair, the lifeguard stand, the bar, the lounge on your cruise and of course, the bed. The possibilities are endless.
Let's get one thing clear about sex on the beach (the act, not the drink): Your life is not a music video. Rolling around on the shore while seashells and starfish surround your perfect lovemaking nest isn't as glamorous as it looks.
There's no doubt that sex in the sand is fun, but it's also messy. And the sand doesn't just get all over you; it tends to find its way into every area of your body.
But this leads us to one of my favorite places, sex in the water. And on spring break, you've got plenty of options. Just be aware of the fact that no ocean, pool or hot tub is really all that clean. You never know what - or who - has been in there. If you're looking for a more sanitary water option, go for the shower. It's a good way to feel dirty while actually getting clean.
Yet, regardless of cleanliness, there's nothing like going at it in a steaming hot Jacuzzi. Just be sure nobody is around to see you. That is, if you're even sober enough to care.
And someone watching you brings me to a very important topic regarding spring break sex. When participating in all the wild escapades your drunk and horny little selves will be a part of, keep in mind the legality of what you're doing. You don't want to be interrupted just before you climax, especially not by the cops.
But legality isn't the only thing you should be thinking of - safety is also a biggie. As lustful and eager as you may be, try to be smart about keeping yourself safe. Just because spring break is a time when most rules are abandoned, that doesn't mean precautions shouldn't be taken.
I know, I know, sex with a condom isn't as good, but you'll probably be screwing someone you know nothing about, and you don't want to come home from break with a great tan and a case of herpes. And do keep in mind that condoms aren't as safe to use in the water, they can slip off easier and be affected by chemicals and heat.
So, with all of that in mind, grab your sunscreen, your bottle of Patron and a big pack of condoms. Spring break 2009, here we come…
