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Sunday, December 03, 2023

Dear Scion commercials,

Why do you hate me? Why do you make angry robot noises at me? I was just watching television!

Alright, I knew I should have been studying, but come on. I mean, I know you're trying to market to young, cool kids who listen to "electro" and stuff, but even they think you're coming on too strong with that ungodly cacophony of bleeps and whizzes.

I'm only saying this because you're special to me, but look, your cars just aren't very cool. The Mazda Miata looks baller compared to you.

You're going for that urban, technological look, I know, but are people really into that stuff enough to have it reflect in their car?

I'm not saying that you can't change your game either, but you know, adding some "customized" stripes and some punk-ass rims is not really helping anything.

But good effort out there -- just pick up the hustle. Or put on some Glenn Miller Orchestra and advertise with what you've got.

And just so you know, the Toby Keith Ford commercials and I are seeing each other now. Please stop calling.

This is an open letter to advertisers of Scion automobiles.

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