Editor’s note: This letter was written in response to Thursday’s sex column. To read the column, visit alligator.org/the_avenue
Thank you, Dr. Dick Dilemma.
I believe there was only one pertinent thing in the entire article (HARD OFF: When Penises Flop). Yes, when drunk, especially when you’re with someone who you have little to no respect or feelings for, a guy trying to get his penis up confronts a difficult task. We already know this though, so I don’t see the need to beat a dead horse. Although I’m sure your opinions apply to many of the tramps around UF, I think articles such as this one are as pointless as beating a dead baby. Not everyone partakes in drunken or casual sex, nor should articles like this one assume so by spouting off about sensitive issues like penis problems. For some people it takes experience to find out, and for others it is known intrinsically. But sex is a much more beautiful thing that should exist within a monogamous relationship.
Something in the article was said about “unnecessary psychological harm.” I believe the only psychological harm we should be worrying about is that which is inflicted on those reading this filth. Some, don’t forget, don’t even have random-sexual-partner penis issues in their frames of reference. There is, of course, an audience for this material. I just don’t think what should be an intellectual and sophisticated atmosphere is the place for it.
If you were partaking in sexual relations with someone you actually cared for, there would be no issue because there are remedies that could be prescribed with minimal embarrassment.
Lastly, I think there was something great going with this penis spectrum you were speaking of. Maybe if all willing participants keep sleeping around and fondling as many penises as possible, a little documentary could be done regarding the varying strengths of a boner. Be sure to account for the confounding factors you spoke of, like funny-looking boobs or flat asses. To be honest, the more I think about it, maybe your boobs do look funny.
As if I were the great Ron Burgundy himself, stay classy, UF.
