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Sunday, June 23, 2024

He says...

Now that Valentine’s Day has come and gone, this is the perfect opportunity to reload or rebuild your sexual arsenal. Taking stock of what’s in your repertoire and figuring out where you have room to improve can help transform you from zero to hero in the sack.

But you can’t become the LeBron James of hooking up without the proper equipment. That’s’ where adult superstores like X-Mart can come in handy. Think of them like the Sports Authority for the nymphomaniacs inside us all.

Leave your shyness at home because X-Mart is no place for the timid. The walls are stocked with toys of all sorts, and the aisles are filled with videos you could only imagine.

But it’s not all vibrators, anal beads and fetish porn.

I would start by sampling the assortment of candles and incense, which are perfect for setting the mood. The soft candlelight and sweet aromas will turn your bedroom into a chamber of passion and heighten the experience for the both of you.

If you’re into combining dessert with sex – and why wouldn’t you be – try picking up some edible underwear or body chocolates. There is nothing like satisfying your sweet tooth while satisfying your woman. But a word of caution when purchasing edible undies: Get the fruit roll-up kind, not the hard candy kind. The less biting that goes on below the belt, the better.

When you feel like getting a little kinkier, breaking out the handcuffs and ropes might be your medicine. Getting tied down might not seem like your cup of tea, but please don’t knock it until you try it. Relinquishing control to your partner will let her take over and more freely express herself. Just make sure you set up some ground rules and safe words beforehand. If you want to push the envelope further, put on a blindfold. The uncertainty will get your heart racing and your body quivering from anticipation.

For those nights when you want to go at it until the sun comes up, be sure to run and pick yourself up a cock ring. The name says it all, but in case you are not well-versed in your sexual equipment, it is literally a ring worn around the penis that traps the blood, giving you a superhero-like erection. With all the rounds you will be able to go in this ring, she may even start calling you Mike Tyson.

But every person is unique, and everyone’s sexual comfort level is different. Communication is key when experimenting in the bedroom. When trying to decide the right products for you, just think of the Ludacris song, and ask yourself, “What’s your fantasy?”

She Says...

For too many of us crazy college kids, so much of our sexual activity occurs in a rush.

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We’re always settling for a quickie before our roommates get home, or hooking up and peacing out before we have to face what we did last night. Some of us hardly have time to study and shower, much less experiment with the little bit of pleasure we can fit in.

But at the X-Mart on 13th street, the possibilities are endless.

Titillation and awkward laughter abound as you scan the walls, imagining all the freaky things you’re missing out on. Like any good sexual novelty store, Gainesville’s one-stop shop for all things sex offers everything from fun to just plain scary. But don’t let the extremes deter you; X-Mart is still the perfect place to start when taking your sex life to another level.

If you’re not quite ready to whip out the toys with your partner, start by treating yourself. Gone are the days when masturbation was taboo, so have at it. And you might as well try a toy, too.

X-Mart has an entire wall dedicated to self-love, and according to, sex therapists note that women who use a vibrator during masturbation are more likely to reach orgasm during partnered sex. Not only will you learn more about your body and what you like, masturbation is a healthy way to alleviate stress, induce sleep and even help with premenstrual symptoms, such as irritability and cramps.

The next no-fail steps in experimentation are lingerie, candles, incense and oils. Not only are these great for couples trying to spice things up, the best hookups are executed by candlelight. I am still waiting for my Prince Perfect Bootycall to come along, but if I were to describe him, he’d be a master of massage oils and his bedroom would always smell like lavender.

In my experience, blindfolds, handcuffs, edible underwear and the like are only annoying stop signs on the road to getting off. But that’s just preference. If you’re curious or just into eating chalky candy off a vagina, go for it!

My lesson this week is that there are no limits. When it comes to experimentation, don’t be afraid to get freaky – you might surprise yourself.

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