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Friday, September 29, 2023

Last month, we wrote an editorial trying to convince you all to vote in Gainesville’s city election for mayor and District 4 commissioner.

Now we’re giving you all the reasons you shouldn’t vote in today’s runoff.

For one, not a whole lot of you turned out for the initial election, which is awesome because it set the standards really low. If you vote in the runoff, people might expect students to start getting involved with local government, and no one likes raising the bar.

Plus, if you vote for mayor and District 4 commissioner, you’ll actually get to decide who runs your city. The problem with this is that it takes the mystery out of the whole thing, and everyone knows how boring it is to actually know what’s going on.

Most importantly, the only way we can make sure we don’t elect Gainesville’s first openly gay mayor is if students stay far away from the polls. It’s your fault, students, that Gainesville has a reputation for being progressive and accepting.

Quite frankly, it’s embarrassing, and that reputation will only strengthen if Craig Lowe is elected. Gainesville will be much better off with a mayor who is beloved by the Tea Party and wants to make sure the LGBT community never enjoys equal rights. And we’ll be honest; we at the Alligator all aspire to land jobs at Fox News or as campaign managers for Sarah Palin’s 2012 presidential campaign, and we just don’t think electing a gay Democrat will gel with our aspirations. With his history of supporting equality and human rights, Lowe stands for everything we oppose. We find all the positive vibes sickening, so we beg you not to vote for him (or, preferably, at all).

And if these reasons weren’t enough, don’t forget that “Glee” starts tomorrow. We know you want to pre-game.

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