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Wednesday, May 15, 2024

“You’re staying in Gainesville for the summer?” This is the last thing my friend said to me after I had finished helping him move out of his apartment a couple of weeks ago. He didn’t bother to wait around for an answer or an explanation. He simply peeled out of the dusty parking lot, leaving me coated in a fine layer of dirt and shame, alone in a city rendered desolate in the summer months.

It can’t all be bad, right? I’m pretty sure there are perks to staying here this summer and taking classes, but since I’ve never done anything like this before, I’m left to face this long, deserted stretch of a semester alone. To maintain the sanity I’m risking by staying the summer in Gainesville, I need to find the silver lining of this sad, lonely cloud.

What comes to my mind first might be the greatest benefit to living in Gainesville during the summer: significantly decreased zombie presence. Significantly decreased human presence, too, for that matter. Bottom line: I can actually wear my socks instead of using them as armaments, and I don’t have to suffer the indignity of carrying a Nerf gun with me to class.

Also, I get to continue living away from my parents, which is always better than the opposite. Oh, you want curfews and family dinners? I’ll be right here, playing Playstation 3 in my underwear and growing my beard in peace, suckers.

Dear readers (all eight of you), this long summer ahead of us may seem daunting. However, keep in mind that there are perfectly good reasons to be here over the summer. You just need to find your own to not go crazy. Like being able to find parking on campus.

Oh, and furthering your education.

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