After a weekend of heinous heavy lifting, vacuuming, organizing and more heavy lifting, I found myself questioning how I was still alive Sunday night during my weekly date with HBO. I'm sure many of you have or will find yourselves asking that same question during this moving season.
It was during this period of contemplation I realized even though it might not seem like it from a distance, moving does provide everyone with the opportunity to have a good time (except if you're moving out of or into a dorm, then I'm just sorry.)
For those of you fortunate enough to hire Mike "The Situation's" abs to move your things for you, congratulations. For the rest of us who are poor, fat and unfortunate souls, we're forced to bribe our friends with beer and coffee.
Moving brings together good friends, good family and, most importantly, good beer. There's no better way to pass the strenuous hours of packing your life into tiny cardboard boxes then by cracking open your favorite six pack ( ... or 12 pack ...or 18 pack ... depending on how much crap you really have.)
This way, you're sure to be intoxicated when checking underneath your bed and in the bowels of your closet because, let's be honest, you haven't seen those areas since the first week you moved in. And it's not likely to be pretty.
I re-signed my lease at the house I've been living at for the past year, but for some reason I still found myself helping a friend move out this weekend.
I dismantled and reconstructed an IKEA bed frame (using picture-coded baggies because not even a UF education can solve the mystery of those crazy Swedish bed frames like the Fjellse.)
I also dragged cumbersome boxes down three flights of stairs and myself back up them over 20 times, found three roaches (no, not the good kind) and held on to a dresser, mattress and box spring for dear life in the bed of a pickup truck.
None of this would have been as much fun without the help of my friend Sam Adams (not the rapper we all saw at The Vault last Thursday.) It's a beautiful thing to not be able to feel the weight of a 50-pound box as it crashes onto your defenseless big toe.
Once all of the valuables are packed up, this is the perfect time to throw a party. There's no better way to close the door on a year full of memories then by creating one last crazy night - and you don't even have to worry about any of your stuff breaking. Do the deed on your enemy roommate's couch, finish your drink and move on to bigger and better things.
After all the red cups are cleaned up because you don't want to pay Paradigm Properties $50 for a 50-cent garbage bag, rest assured that tomorrow will bring new living quarters, new roommates and of course the opportunity of potential new hot neighbors.
Now, back to partying. Once the sweating from moving your Queen-sized mattress up your steep, creaky new stairs has subsided, take a shower and invite all your new friends and neighbors over to your place. Keep the Natty kegs flowing and relax after a hard day's work.
Don't get too hung over though because you've got to be all smiles to deliver your friendly Jell-o-molds in the morning. And if all else fails, there's nothing a little Jersey Shore can't help.
