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Monday, January 30, 2023

My roommate’s girlfriend is really hot. Like really hot. Lately, she’s been kind of throwing me some hints that she thinks I’m kind of hot too (we’re talking eye contact, intense flirting, striking up random convos on Facebook chat). I obviously wouldn’t want to piss off my roommate, or ruin our friendship, but am I a horrible person for pursuing his girl? Does she sound for real?

-Hot for Roommate’s Girl

Whoa, random Facebook chat and eye contact? Maybe soon, if you play your girlfriend-stealing cards right, she’ll “like” your keg stand default picture, you big Casanova, you!

And, to answer your other question, yes, you are a horrible person and probably a worse friend.

I certainly wouldn’t want to be in that all-too-familiar hypothetical situation where we somehow find ourselves on a deserted island in the middle of the Pacific, and you’re given the choice between gnawing my arm off or calling for help. Clearly, as a hypothetical roommate, and fellow castaway, I’d come out looking real funny in a one-sleeved T-shirt.

Nonverbal and, as in your case, ambiguous digital cues mean different things to different people. Perhaps your roommate’s girlfriend really is just interested in your social media musings or your affinity for bonsai gardening.

Or, then again, perhaps she really does want to rummage through your artfully manscaped front lawn. There’s a fine line between flirting and seducing, and sometimes the line involves nothing more than a good (gardening) hoe.

But, you’ve put yourself in a sticky situation in more ways than one.

First, how long is your apartment lease? Because if it turns out your roommate’s girlfriend actually wants to sample the flavorings of your entire apartment, rather than sticking to her own entrée, dinner time at your apartment might get a bit awkward when no one passes the potatoes to you.

Then again, if you decide to step up your A-game and move past bonsai gardening into unknown territory, you might find yourself soliciting a woman who has no interest in you pulling out the old wheelbarrow.

But in reality, we’ve all found ourselves in the taboo world of the apple in Eve’s Garden where we lust for that luscious Red Delicious.

It’s a difficult position, and no, you aren’t actually a horrible person. We’ve all been there, and it’s natural to want to do what they do on the Discovery Channel with your roommate’s girlfriend. Because she’s something you can’t have.

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Then again, time changes people. Cravings change. Flavors mix.

And you ain’t nothing but mammals, right? Keep playing your cards right.

Have a sexy question? Send our Avenue sexpert an e-mail via jmisner@alligator.org. If your question appears in print or online, your identity will remain anonymous.

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