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Tuesday, May 14, 2024

Here’s a frightful scenario: You overslept, missed the bus, and the line at Starbucks is longer than the line at a Justin Bieber concert. By some divine miracle, you make it to class with one minute to spare. The problem? Some dude is in your seat. You have just met that most despicable of classroom creatures: the seat stealer.

I know what you’re thinking, chill out, there are no assigned seats. And yes, it would be ridiculously awkward to have a seat war with someone 30 seconds before class begins, but it’s common knowledge that you sit there every week. It’s yours, so what do you do?

Attention, everyone: Drop/add is over. Way over. There are no excuses for your irrational behavior.

We’re drawn to the same seat or at least the same area. Some people are front row junkies. Others like to camp out in the back. Whatever gets you through your three-hour block, but seriously  — stick to what works. Nothing is more infuriating than running from Turlington to Matherly to find a seat stealer in your territory.

No one wants to make enemies in class, but you’ve quickly developed a short list of offenders. If the seat stealer ever wants to borrow a pen, we’re fresh out of writing utensils.

Still, class must go on. You’re completely thrown off from the angle of this leftover seat. The board looks different. You can’t focus. Who knew the professor had a mole on the other side of his face?

All this anger isn’t healthy. Besides, you need all your focus for those horrendous pop quizzes your TA keeps throwing at you.

Dear seat stealer, please stop aggravating the bejeezus out of students everywhere, and stay in your own seat.

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