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Tuesday, May 21, 2024

Dear Jared,

I made a little discovery the other day - and by that I mean I caught my boyfriend looking at gay porn. Awkwardness aside, where do we go from here? Is he definitely gay?  -Confused and Concerned

First and foremost, let me take the time to congratulate you and your Nancy Drew skills for catching your man-on-man-admiring, porn-addicted boyfriend. Those frat guys (this is, of course, a complete assumption) are usually uber secretive about their "Adam4Adam" dating site profiles with a blurred-out headshot and a call for "discreet bottoms only."

And now to get to the bottom of your question (pun intended). Your response, after the initial awkwardness of watching your boyfriend get his jollies off of another man's jollies, should depend on what you caught him clicking his mouse to.

If we're talking about some form of hardcore back-door action, then yes, perhaps you should be a little alarmed.

But if your Sperry-wearing, too-busy-to-hang-out-with-you-because-he's-"rushing" boyfriend was caught in the act watching a clip of softcore, no-big-deal, naked vacuuming - with a little soft petting and second-base action - perhaps he's just trying to bone up on his skills or even learn something new to impress you with in the bedroom.

No, I'm totally kidding. He's most definitely gayer than your Bichon Frise's pink fur bows either way you look at it. As awkward as it might be, have you talked with him about it?

Although you can't assume your boyfriend is gay (I mean, he is, but don't just assume it), maybe this cat-out-of-the-bag "accident" was the best thing to happen to him. Coming out, especially to one's girlfriend or boyfriend, is an emotional process that requires the utmost sensitivity.

Hopefully, he won't react with hostility at the insinuation he enjoys a good circle jerk more than your intimate company, and, hopefully, this will turn into a productive conversation for both of you that will enhance your friendship, not ruin it.

And look on the bright side: Now you will always have a truthful answer when you ask him if your ass looks fat in your favorite dress.

Have a sexy question? Email Jared at

If your question appears in the paper, your identity is anonymous.

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