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Sunday, May 05, 2024

Fresh meat to old news: decoding the college classifications

A brand-spankin' new school year has debuted on college campuses across the country, bringing with it high expectations, football season debauchery and a fresh start for all the new and returning students.

Each year students evolve, adapting to their new class status. Some suddenly stop caring about school, some reach the high of being able to legally booze, but all will most likely make some epically bad decisions (even you, fresh meat). Every class is different in its own special way, and your friendly fellas here at the Avenue have tried to decode the pecking order, uncovering the evolution of a young buck freshman to a geezer senior.

Freshman

Dressed to impress, the freshmen will arrive to class early and sit in the front row of Exceptional People after being inspired to do so by the peppy Preview staff. They found their way to Carleton via their campus maps and are sporting the ever-so-stylish orange and blue lanyards around their necks. At night, they can be spotted leaving the bars when you arrive or vomiting after the three drinks they pre-gamed with in a Broward triple.

Sophomore

Sophomores are so incredibly happy they're not freshmen anymore that they're not afraid to let you know it. They share their infinite wisdom with any freshman who will listen, and if ever they are mistaken for first-year students, they act like they're dying of heart failure. At any given moment they can tell you how many days they've got until their 21st birthday, and they can be seen getting their fake IDs taken away at Gator City.

Junior

These new upperclassmen have come to the horrible realization that college is going to be over in less than two years, and they're going to have to enter the real world. They can be seen toting MCAT and LSAT prep books everywhere they go. And since they've just turned 21, they're super eager to show every employee at the bar their IDs, even if no one asks for it (um, you ordered a water).

Senior

They look perpetually hungover and exhausted. They are so over school but so ready to drink. After class (if they even go to class), they'll walk straight over to Balls and spend the day there. Day-drinking anyone?

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