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Saturday, May 11, 2024

The quarrels with the Trekkies or other sci-fi factions does nothing to illustrate the hatred of Star Wars fanboys toward the one who, ironically, started everything.

Yes, George Lucas brought us Indiana Jones and Hope through Jedi, but his work since then has been nothing but disappointing.

The popularity that ensued from Lucas' 1990s re-release of the digitally remastered episodes IV through VI brought Star Wars to a whole new generation.

Unfortunately, this is when Lucasfilm went from a film studio to a toy, lunchbox and merchandise business.

The success of the re-release prompted Lucas to create the prequels. If you thought the prequels were the best thing that ever happened to cinema, we apologize for what's about to come next.

George Lucas has, with malicious intent, attempted to destroy the magic that was once Star Wars.

After the generic, lackluster prequels were released, Lucas went back to the originals and edited them again, adding useless scenes and random digital backgrounds. Of course, who can forget Hayden Christensen as ghost Anakin Skywalker at the end of the updated Jedi? Why wasn't ghost Kenobi played by Ewan McGregor?

Recently, Lucas announced that he was re-releasing all six Star Wars films back to theaters, in 3-D. Really? 3-D is the worst thing to happen to movies since the Star Wars prequels.

Now it has been reported that Lucas has been adding even more useless edits to the original Star Wars movies in their Blu-ray releases.

At the rate Lucas is going, the entire series will soon be released entirely in computer animation, including the actors, and in 4-D where the audience will be able to smell Chewie's breath.

Since Lucas is intent on destroying the Star Wars franchise altogether, why doesn't he just go all out?

The Luke and Leia kiss should be a big French kiss, or hell, a sex scene. The disgust that the audience feels when they find out that the heroes are actually siblings will be extreme.

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At the end of Jedi, the rebels should all be destroyed, the Death Star completed and the entire galaxy will finally be at peace under the Empire. The rebels were just terrorists anyway.

Since he's hell-bent on adding irrelevant details to his movies, things don't have to make sense. When the emperor removes his hood, we will find out that it was Lord Voldemort all along.

Or maybe Han Solo was just a cover name for another Indiana Jones mission to locate the fountain of youth on Tatooine.

What the movies are really missing are exploding Ewok scenes - seriously, Lucas, kill the Ewoks. That would be an improvement.

And of course, Jar Jar Binks must be in every scene.

But in all seriousness, Lucas, stop. Just stop.

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