The results are in for this semester's SG elections, and needless to say, there were a few problems. Although the make-up of the Student Senate probably would be about the same regardless of the errors, the situation doesn't really support the idea that SG is a corruption-free organization.
So, without further ado, it's time for our thank-God-election-week-is-over-so-the-Unite-Party-will-stop-harassing-everyone edition of ...
Darts & Laurels
We're going to change things up a bit for this edition considering the circumstances.
So to cleanse the palate we will be awarding our three laurels first.
We will be handing a putting-humanity-before-school-spirit LAUREL to UF Greeks for giving a $10,000 check to Tuscaloosa, Ala. for tornado disaster relief.
Next, we give a this-would-make-the-best-pet-for-a-Batman-villian LAUREL to Frank and Louie, the two-faced, two-mouthed, three-eyed cat who broke the Guinness record for the longest living Janus cat, nicknamed after the Roman god with two faces.
This last event deserves a way-to-freak-out-the-Capitol-police-who-apparently-don't-understand-satire LAUREL. Thursday morning, The Onion, a satirical news organization, began posting "breaking news" on Twitter about a fake hostage situation at the Capitol. Their tweet read, "BREAKING: Capitol building being evacuated. 12 children held hostage by group of armed congressmen." Needless to say, the authorities were not happy, but their "coverage" of this fake event was hilarious.
But now it's time to highlight things that made us say "WTF" this week.
To start off, how can we not throw a this-almost-puts-hanging-chads-to-shame DART at the Student Government elections. With around 535 students voting in District E this semester compared to only 65 last fall, how can someone say that something isn't fishy?
Well, someone can and did say that. That's why we're proudly tossing a you-need-to-recognize-the-gravity-of-the-situation DART to SG Supervisor of Elections Toni Megna. We should also note SG rules dictate that the system must be tested two days prior to elections, and Megna refused to comment on whether this actually happened.
Finally, we're giving a you-could-not-look-more-corrupt-if-you-tried DART to the Unite Party. You already have the stigma of being a corrupt party machine. If you just joined in challenging the reliability of the election results, we might take your commitment to a fair process seriously. You probably would have won all of the seats anyway, so there is no point in dismissing possible technical errors.
Have a fun and safe weekend, and be sure to check back next week.
