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Tuesday, June 25, 2024

If you live with your significant other and don't happen to be married, you could be committing a crime in Florida.

In the last year, 104 people have been charged with a misdemeanor for violating this vital law.

In the last five years, approximately 700 people have been charged.

What possible harm could result from people of the opposite sex living together? Usually couples who decide to live together out of wedlock are doing so out of a sense of love, comfort and commitment to one another.

What problems does the state have with two people engaging in such a commitment?

Surely we have not allowed these moral dictators to use religion to argue for the continuation of this archaic statute, have we?

Section 3 of Florida's Declaration of Rights states, "There shall be no law respecting the establishment of religion or prohibiting or penalizing the free exercise thereof."

Even if one were to try to defend this law as promoting public health and safety, there could be no possible public concern in not letting two people of the opposite sex live together.

There are a lot of laws on the books in Florida that have nothing to do with safety or some religious doctrine.

For instance, on Thursdays, it is illegal to fart in a public place after 6 p.m. So if you and your significant other have just left your apartment for a night on the town (he or she just came to pick you up because you don't live together or anything), you better take some anti-gas medication.

It is also illegal in Florida to leave your elephant tied to a parking meter without paying, have sex with a porcupine, molest a trash can in Daytona Beach, set off torpedoes in Destin and have sex in other positions besides missionary.

Gainesville is probably full of people who have violated at least three of these absurd laws above. We'll let you figure out which three.

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What do lawmakers hope to accomplish by passing such absurd and invasive laws? Most of these are unenforceable or so strange that they would never have to be enforced.

The state, like everywhere else in the country, is in a budget bind. One has to wonder whether the state is dusting off some of these old, asinine laws to raise revenue.

Imagine how much money the state could raise if it started fining people for farting in public. The state could raise hundreds of thousands of dollars just by knocking on every door in Gainesville to catch those immoral cohabitants.

All of these mundane laws need to be taken off of the books immediately.

State Rep. Ritch Workman tried to pass a bill to get the co-habitation law off of the books last year but was shot down because others in Tallahassee thought the issue was too politically sensitive to touch.

Politically sensitive to whom?

Grandma may not like you living with your boyfriend, but it's certainly no business of the state.

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