Halloween is the best holiday ever. No family, no annoying caroling and no fruitcake. Plus, you get to dress up as your favorite superhero, villain or monster and, for the ladies, any sexy "insert profession here."
Oh yeah, there's candy, too.
But a common feature of Halloween is often left out. When kids say "trick or treat," rarely are they treated with a trick. This brings us to our scare-some-kids-and-keep-the-candy-for-yourself edition of...
Darts and Laurels
Halloween is all about having a good costume. That's why we're throwing a don't-be-so-uptight DART to Ohio University's Students Teaching About Racism in Society for their "We're a culture, not a costume" ad campaign. Yes, sometimes costumes can go too far, but stereotypes have always been a subject of comedy.
If we can't laugh at ourselves, can we really laugh at anything else?
Thanks to the recipient of our next award, we hope we can keep the kids safe on Halloween. That's why we're giving a pissing-off-the-perverts LAUREL to Anonymous for bringing down about 40 child pornography websites and releasing the usernames of the creepy, screwed-up people who use them.
Next, we throw a way-to-spoil-the-Halloween-fun DART to Boca Raton for threatening to fine Rick Newman, who usually goes all out for Halloween, $1,000 if children perform a rendition of Michael Jackson's "Thriller" in front of his house. The city argues that advertising this performance constitutes as commercial activity and has no place in a residential neighborhood. Thirty dancers, aged 7 to 18, have been practicing for the past six months for this performance. But, you're right Boca Raton. You know best!
In other news, we give a 2008-doesn't-look-so-bad-now LAUREL to Hillary Clinton for doing better than President Obama in the latest Time magazine head-to-head polls against GOP candidates. Clinton royally punishes Mitt Romney at 55 to 38 percent. It's not too late to throw your hat in the race.
We give our final do-you-not-have-better-things-to-do-with-your-time DART to The New York Times for sending a cease-and-desist letter to the Huffington Post over a "trademark" infringement. The Times apparently has a blog on its website called "Motherlode." Huffington Post created a blog called "Parentlode." If the Times wanted to prevent people from drawing inspiration from its website, they would be shutting down websites all over the Internet. Chill out!
Finally, we present a representing-the-vertically-challenged-everywhere LAUREL to Jayson Carter, a 4-foot-9 walk-on of Rice University's football team. Go get ‘em, man!
Have a fun and safe Halloween weekend, and be sure to check back next week!
