If you haven't noticed, it's Hollywood awards show season, and the stars are coming out.
If you think about it, though, all the awards shows, from the Golden Globes to the Academy Awards, are basically the movie and music industries patting themselves on the back.
For instance, the Screen Actors Guild is basically actors giving awards to actors.
That's why here at the Alligator, we believe our weekly awards are truly prestigious and meaningful.
That brings us to our who-are-we-kidding-we-just-like-to-make-fun-of-people edition of...
Darts & Laurels
First, we travel to the Midwest to throw a how's-that-tax-hike-working-out-for-you DART to the state of Illinois, which increased state income taxes by 67 percent and also increased corporate taxes. Despite its effort to raise revenue through these tax hikes, the state is still facing an $8.5-billion shortfall, according to Illinois State Comptroller Judy Baar Topinka.
Well, that worked.
Next, we give an it-may-have-taken-him-a-while-to-sound-out-the-writing-on-the-wall LAUREL to Rick Perry for dropping out of the GOP race. He did the best in the polls before the nation had a chance to hear him speak.
After that, it was all downhill.
Of course, we can't end the week without giving a standing-up-to-censorship LAUREL to Wikipedia and the nearly 7,000 other websites that blacked out their pages in protest of SOPA and PIPA, the anti-Internet piracy bills currently under consideration in Congress.
We hope it pays off.
On a related note, we're throwing a dude-like-WTF-is-up-with-like-Wikipedia DART to the high-school students who freaked out all over Twitter and other social networking sites on Wednesday when they couldn't use Wikipedia to do their science homework.
Reading is hard, isn't it?
Also from the Midwest, we're going to toss an I've-got-a-fever-and-the-only-prescription-is-more-cowbell LAUREL to the 26-year-old Wisconsin man who refused to stop playing his cowbell in protest of Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker.
He was, of course, arrested for resisting arrest and disorderly conduct, but it sounded awesome.
Finally, we throw a chill-the-eff-out DART to Gainesville criminals. It seems like we can't go a day without another report of armed robbery, attempted rape or murder.
Law-abiding citizens of Gainesville: Make sure you never go out alone, and stay away from sketchy areas. Don't open your door to strangers, and be sure to keep all of the valuables in your car hidden.
Have a fun and safe weekend, and be sure to check back next week.
