It’s starting to look like this hurricane season is going to be worse than the last few years. Of course, they seem to say that every year and nothing happens. Either way, we’re proud to bring you this week’s it’s-about-damn-time-for-some-global-warming edition of...
While the literary merit of the recently hyped novel “Fifty Shades of Grey” is questionable, we must throw a just-because-it-offends-your-puritan-sensibilities-doesn’t-mean-it-deserves-to-be-censored DART at library officials in Brevard County, Fla.
The book was deemed “pornographic” by library services director Cathy “I know what’s best for you” Schweinsberg. Public libraries should not have the right to censor speech because they feel offended.
Due to the events unfolding in Miami recently, we think it’s time to give a the-end-is-nigh LAUREL to Zombie Apocalypse 2012. Pick your weapon of choice, grab as many supplies as you can carry and find a shelter to withstand the attacks.
It has begun!
For being incredibly opportunistic, we throw a thankfully-the-Alligator-is-independent-from-UF DART at the student government of the University of Nevada, Las Vegas for attempting to hiijack school newspaper, the Rebel Yell. What could possibly go wrong with members of student government appointing the editor of the newspaper?
While you might have been annoyed at the weather this weekend, we’re giving a Smokey-Bear-ain’t-got-nothing-on-mother-nature LAUREL to the rain, which fortunately kept the wildfires contained.
Next up, we throw a LMFAO-at-the-idiots-who-made-this-decision DART at administrators at Sable Elementary School in Aurora, Co., who suspended a 6-year-old boy for sexual harassment. While it’s absurd to expect that a 6-year-old boy would know anything about sex or harassment, the reason for his suspension is even weirder.
D’Avonte Meadows said to a girl, “I’m sexy and I know it,” a line from the popular song “I’m Sexy and I Know It” by the group LMFAO. Now this kid has a suspension on his permanent record because he quoted a song he didn’t understand. Good job, Sable Elementary.
Finally, for some somber news, we want to give a this-one-hits-home LAUREL to Marina Keegan, a recent graduate and student journalist at Yale University who died this weekend in a car crash.
Keegan was a columnist for the Yale Daily News, as well as a playwright. Her last column assured graduating students, “the best years of our lives are not behind us.”
And she was absolutely right.
Have a fun and safe weekend, and be sure to check back next week.
