Well, this week was certainly more tame than last week.
No one’s face was eaten off, no one threw their intestines at police and it appears as though no one was caught eating someone else’s vital organs.
In fact, all we heard about was some boring election in Wisconsin in which nothing changed. Oh yeah, this, of course, brings us to this week’s aw-man-looks-like-no-zombie-apocalypse-after-all-but-the-year-2012-is-only-halfway-over edition of...
First, we must ask the question: Are people really that stupid?
Because the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention had to issue a statement denying the existence of zombies or a zombie apocalypse, we throw a man-reading-the-news-is-really-hard DART at people.
Come on, people.
Although it’s entertaining to talk about, there’s no zombie apocalypse.
Speaking of brains, we give a common-sense-1-prying-politicians-0 LAUREL to the Florida Department of Transportation for refusing to lower the speed limit on Interstate 75 through Paynes Prairie, despite pleas from Gainesville and Alachua County commissioners.
Speed was not the problem; heavy smoke caused the crash in the spring.
It’s not rocket science.
Sometimes, things don’t go according to plan. That’s why we’re throwing a you’re-doing-it-wrong DART at Charles Estell, who was found stuck in an air duct after attempting to steal $100,000 from a Chicago bank vault.
Estell will probably cut back on the sweets before attempting his next heist.
For some more somber news, we give a thank-you-for-making-us-think-about-books-and-censorship LAUREL to Ray Bradbury, author of “Fahrenheit 451” and “The Martian Chronicles,” among other books.
Bradbury died Tuesday at the age of 91.
Tuesday evening, Venus could be seen crossing in front of the face of the sun, a rare cosmic spectacle that won’t happen for another 105 years.
That’s why we’re giving a guess-we’ll-have-to-wait-until-the-year-2117-to-watch-a-tiny-black-dot-cross-the-sun DART at the weather.
What the hell, rain? Cut us some slack so we can look at cool space stuff.
Finally, we give a you-should-probably-make-a-specialty-pizza-called-the-phoenix LAUREL to Satchel’s Pizza, which announced it would be reopening on June 14.
A kitchen fire caused Satchel’s to close about four months ago.
Best of luck on your reopening.
