We can’t forget what winter feels like ever again. Apparently, when we do, it means the weather turns on us as a state. Yeah, we might have it easier than our Northern brethren, but it was still relatively freezing here. Whatever.
This brings us to the it’s-our-weather-and-we-can-cry-if-we-want-to edition of...
Darts & Laurels
The times, they are a’changing. They’re changing into something weird and future-y. This week, Vice President Joe Biden held the first ever “fireside hangout.” Yeah. He sat in front of a fireplace while hosting a Google Plus Hangout and discussed “gun safety,” not gun control. We give a what-is-this-world-coming-to-are-we-the-Jetsons-yet DART to Google Plus. Ha, you thought we’d give it to Biden? No way. Never.
Don’t get too excited. This might not be true, because it hasn’t been confirmed yet. Get excited, but don’t get overly happy. OK, we’ll just spit it out. It looks like J.J. Abrams is going to be the director of the seventh “Star Wars” movie. We give this a is-he-being-typecast-into-lens-flares-in-space-movies LAUREL to J.J. Abrams. He’s basically the only director we would want to trust with this weird job. He can do it right, right?
Do you use Internet Explorer? Stop. Stop using IE as your main browser right this instant. We’ll wait until you use it to install Google Chrome, or at least Firefox, then delete IE forever. Microsoft recently released a new ad that attempts to tug at the heartstrings of our fellow Gen Y’ers. Good luck, Microsoft. We give a we’ve-grown-past-that-crap-yeah-your-browser-is-crap-if-it’s-Internet-Explorer DART to Microsoft. Y’all should just give up.
New trend alert: watching dogs Skype with each other. This is basically the only thing that’s been missing from our lives, and we didn’t even know it. Popular viral YouTube videos of dogs Skyping have garnered more than 700,000 views within the past month. Thank goodness. Finally something we can all agree on: how awesome dog Skyping is. We give an all-dogs-go-to-heaven-but-not-before-they’ve-Skyped LAUREL to dogs!
During this first fiscal quarter, Starbucks reports that its profits rose even though its revenues didn’t meet its expectations. Uh, are we supposed to feel sorry for a massive global corporation? Starbucks sometimes puts forward a friendly face, but really, they tried to beat Patrick Dempsey in a bidding war for a locally owned coffee shop in Seattle. We basically can’t trust them. We give a don’t-mess-with-McDreamy-we’ll-almost-always-still-buy-your-coffee-anyways DART to Starbucks. Also, get more vegetarian sandwich options, and then we’ll talk.
Here’s something you should probably be aware of: John Kerry is about to be your new Secretary of State. He began confirmation hearings this week, and the decision will likely be voted on next week. He has Hillary Clinton’s blessing, as she was one of three people who recommended him during this process. Seems smart to ask her opinion on this one. We give an OK-but-we-still-only-remember-you-from-that-one-JibJab-video LAUREL to John Kerry. Maybe try to not mess this one up.
Women are fit to fight. Like, there’s no other way for us to describe that fact to you. Women can fight in the military just as well as men can. There’s no ifs, ands or buts about it. Just accept that fact. It’s harder to be overweight and in the military than it is to be female and in the military. So, suck it. We give a you’re-probably-super-sexist-if-you-disagree DART to lady haters.
