For the Lolz is a humor blog. It's a sarcastic take on the world around us. Please read the posts in this section with a light heart and eager smile.
Every year millions of Americans celebrate St. Patrick’s Day with the same old “Irish” traditions: pinching people that don’t wear green, eating lucky charms, and watching the Disney Channel Original Movie, "The Luck of the Irish." Well I’m tired of the same old traditions, pinching people is not even a little bit fun. As an actual one-sixteenth true-blooded Irishmen, I’d like to bring you some truly Irish traditions for you to try out this year.
10. Die your pets green! Dyeing animals green is actually an old Gaelic tradition, but I think it’s about time we bring it back. Let your pet join in on the fun this year with a fresh coat of green paint.
9. Buy a miniature statue of liberty and watch it slowly turn green. Most people don’t know that the Statue of Liberty was originally a gift from the Irish to the French, who then re-gifted it to the United States. The U.S. government was going to give it to the Native Americans, but nobody likes an Indian giver.
8. Here’s a fun twist on pinching people. Paint all of your doorways different colors and every time somebody walks through a doorway that isn’t green, you get to throw a blarney stone at their face.
7. Swallow some paint! You may not be able to actually bleed orange and blue, but you can spit green with the help of some non-toxic paint. You can also give yourself a cold and make your green spit contagious!
6. Dye your body hair red (like a ginger). People are always making bold statements of support for their sports teams by dyeing their hair. Do something different and show your support for St. Patrick’s Day by dyeing your body hair red like a fiery Irishwoman.
5. Throw buckets of green paint on people that aren’t wearing green. You can also throw green paint on people wearing animal furs because animals don’t deserve to be worn; they deserve to be eaten.
4. Have your own potato famine! Buy a sack of potatoes, stick them in the ground and slowly starve as you watch your potatoes fail to grow.
3. Watch Green Pond turn green. If you didn't know, Green Pond is the pond by the Reitz Union. Watch it turn from brown to green by pouring green dye in it until it does so.
2. Kill a black cat* with a four leaf clover for some extra good luck. How? Drowning is probably the way to go. Four leaf clovers don’t sharpen well, so your best bet is to find enough four-leaf clovers to drown the cat. Good luck!
1. Change your name to a shade of green. If you’re a girl maybe something like Emerald, Jade, or Forest will work. Or if you’re a full grown manly man, then Kelly is probably your best choice. It means warrior, so it’s very manly and full of testosterone. Shamrock is also a good male name, though not as manly as Kelly.
*It only works if the black cat is actually just a stuffed animal that you sometimes pretend is alive.
