The Lion King, Cinderella, Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. We all grew up hearing these stories over and over and loving them. Some of them where even turned into Disney movies and don’t lie, I know you knew just about every song and sang along every time that you got the chance.
All of these stories and movies taught you about life, love, friendship, and happiness. It would be crazy to think that the original endings of all of these beloved stories were anything different than the sweet, happy endings that you had known about all of our lives. Well there were! Most of them had murder, mutilation and even cannibalism. Pretty sick.
Let’s take a few minutes to slap you right in the inner childhood.
Snow White:
The way that the original story goes is that evil queen was super jealous of Snow White’s beauty so she ordered a huntsman to take Snow White out in the woods, kill her and cut out Snow White’s liver and lungs so that the queen could eat the organs.
The huntsman feels bad and just lets her go, thinking that she will get eaten by a wild animal or something (so much better than killing her himself). Snow White wanders around until she finds the home of seven little men and they only let her stay with them if she cooks, cleans and takes care of the household, in other words, slavery is OK in children’s stories. The queen finds out that Snow White is still alive and tries to kill her not once, not twice, but three times!
The rest of story is pretty much the same up until the end. The Prince comes, saves Snow White, yadda yadda yadda, and the queen and sentenced to wear fiery hot metal shoes until she…dances to death. Talk about a stupid ending.
Rapunzel:
A lonely couple is expecting a daughter and the preggers mom craves this plant that this witch is growing next door. When the witch sees that her plant has been stolen, she kidnaps the daughter as the couple’s punishment (a little harsh, but hey, witches be crazy). When Rapunzel is 12, the witch locks her away in the tower, and after a while a prince comes by, hears her beautiful voice and proposes. Proposing on a whim, more good ideas to instill into children. Anyways, the witch finally finds out about the prince when this little 12-year-old Rapunzel is pregnant (and you thought MTV’s 16 and Pregnant was bad).
The witch pushes the prince into a bush a thorns, the thorns then slash up his eyes and cause him to go blind! As for Rapunzel, the witch kicks her out of the tower, barefoot and pregnant, to fend for herself in the woods. Years later the blind prince is just chilling in the forest and he stumbles upon Rapunzel the homeless single mother of twins. The only thing I learned from this story is that the prince sure owes a lot of child support.
The Hunchback of Notre Dame:
The majority of the story is pretty much the same, but what Disney failed to share was how hot Frollo was for Esmeralda. The jealous old perv tried to kill Phoebus and then when Esmeralda still did not want Frollo, for obvious reasons, he turned her into the police and had her hanged. Now that is taking rejection to a whole nother level.
Quasi, all torn up, then pushes Frollo of Notre Dame and then lies next the Esmeralda’s cold dead body until he starves and dies. Months later when someone tries to move Quasi’s remains, the bones just combust and turn into dust. I mean, I guess you can’t argue that in both the original and the Disney version, Quasi did not get the girl.
The Little Mermaid:
This is my favorite. Disney really left out a lot and took a lot of -- creative liberty -- with this tale. Instead of her voice, the sea witch rips out the little mermaid’s whole tongue -- gross. Then the sea witch does give her legs but every time she walks she feel like she is stepping on knives. After this poor girl loses her tongue and then suffers through these horrible legs, the prince does not even marry her, he marries the princess in the next village!
The only way the witch will let the little mermaid return to the sea is if she stabs the prince in the heart, but when the little mermaid can’t bring herself to do it, she jumps of a cliff and turns into sea foam. This girl has just got nothing going for her, I swear!
Whose idea was it to tell these stories to children, I have no idea. Disney, you got it all wrong, they so did not live happily ever after.
