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Friday, March 29, 2024

Due to recent trends throughout the Southeast region, particularly the Gator nation, I feel that is necessary to ridicule, I mean investigate, a group that resides among us.  

Prowling the UF Campus in faded black skinny pants and 1890s beards are the most recent highly publicized inhabitants. They reject Starbucks, embrace Plato’s closet, and linger at vegan-friendly cafes. They are the majority of the minority, growing in strength as they link arms with palms grasping their unique version of grenades—Pabst Blue Ribbon.  Are they unique or simply financially burdened?

Let’s face is, from the start of time (I am that old), there’s always been a targeted group to which the ills of society are blamed on. It’s their entire fault! Rising beer prices apparently and splotching the scenic landscape. The recent scapegoat has been identified! They have been christened: Hipsters. Ah yes, the hipster specie. Not quite “rocker," not quite “punk”; ambiguously destitute, yet able to buy kegs of beer.

So, why the scorning? Are they stealing your seat at the Maroon 5 concert? I think not. Are they making the line longer at Starbucks for you, dear? I don’t think so. Are they even stealing your “classy” beer? No. They’re probably not. It’s the way they look isn’t it? Oh, that dark attire, those glazed over eyes. That Portland feel in the heart of the Gator Nation; we collectively shiver at the sight of one of these inhabitants.

It’s them, they, those other ones. They will never be welcomed into a land of conventionality. Don’t even speak their name. They are now our puppets to mold into whatever we want them to be perceived as; oh, the audacity of their attempt to make themselves indifferently distinct from us

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