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Thursday, June 01, 2023

When you think of college football, you think of strong teams with great players full of energy and boundless talent. Now most people would think that when it comes time to represent their team with a mascot, that they would go for an intimidating, impressive figure. However, you would be surprised by how many schools out there think that something stupid or creepy is a lot more appropriate.

Fighting Okra from Delta State University

I don’t  know many people who would even know what an okra was if they were not from the south. Just to clarify, for those of you who don’t know, okra is a flowering plant that is known for it’s edible green seed pods. Many people in the south like to eat it fried with a side of mac and cheese, beans, or sweet potato fries. So when you think of the Delta State Fighting Okra, you can just picture a plate of soul food with boxing gloves on the side.

Stanford Tree from Stanford University

It’s a dancing tree with beady little eyes and a big creepy smile. Try to imagine a Christmas tree running up to you from across a football field. I mean, I guess it sure is scary, but not in the sense that I think they were going for.

Otto the Orange from Syracuse University

I want a mascot that will really have our rivals hovering in fear when they see us. I want the other team to be intimidated. I don’t want anyone to think that they can mess with us! So obviously the best mascot would be…an orange. I don’t know about you, but I sure am scared of… oranges.

Hokie Bird from Virginia Tech

To be honest, when I was looking up this bird the best description that they gave me of this thing was a large turkey-like bird. Evidently, ever since the early 1900s fans of the team have called the players the fighting gobblers of the gobbler team. To me, it kinda sounds like some weird sex thing and that does not make me intimdated of the team at all… at least not in the football sense. I know for sure though that I would never want to date a fighting gobbler.

Cayenne from University of Louisiana at Lafayette

I do admit that their team’s name has a very nice ring to it, the Ragin’ Cajuns. However, the fact that their mascot is nothing more than a cayenne pepper is seriously just disappointing. Of all the things that you can pick to represent a fiery, red-hot chose cayenne pepper. I mean, I know you are from the south, but just pulling up a list of the ingredients in Gumbo and picking one of the spices? Really, Louisiana?

When I think of mascots I want ferocious beasts, warriors or monsters… not fruits and dancing trees. This is football, not a children’s show.

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