Most of us know North Korea from “The Interview,” its periodic nuclear weapons tests, its threats to destroy the whole world and its completely genuine reverence for a family of paunchy men in unitards.
It’s become kind of a sick joke in the international community today — point out the latest insane thing North Korea’s leaders did, and laugh uncomfortably.
Well, North Korea is back at it again, but this time, it’s because the rogue nation just executed its defense minister.
Why? Nobody’s sure yet.
Guesses run from the rumors that he was plotting a rebellion against Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un to that one time he fell asleep during a meeting.
Whatever the reason, North Korea is now in the market for a new defense minister.
It’s a dramatic thing for any country to go through, but North Korea decided to take the action a step further — they murdered him in public with a cannon, apparently.
That’s some medieval shit.
Even though it seems kind of feeble to condemn that kind of behavior with a metaphorical DART, we can’t sit by and let something that crazy go unanswered.
So here’s a DART for that, because… well, Jesus Christ, we don’t need to justify that one.
In nicer, more local news, UF just broke ground on a brand-new food bank for students.
The food bank will hold the typical canned and nonperishable items.
But it will also provide toiletries and fresh produce grown on UF’s campus, as well as host classes on cooking, nutrition and budgeting. We think the importance of this development cannot be overstated. One in 10 UF students report going hungry — even those who don’t often only have access to ramen and peanut butter.
The fact that the bank will also educate students on how to live and eat better is another great development, and we’re ecstatic it’s here. So a LAUREL to UF, for making this great stride.
Finally, we’d like to pick up the heaviest, most vile DART we can find and hurl it right where it belongs: this goddamn heat.
Like, yeah, talking about the weather gets old really fast — but humans weren’t meant to withstand temperatures like this. Who’s responsible for this? Who in their right mind thought it was a good idea to live on top of what amounts to a heat-absorbing mosquito farm?
Darts, darts, darts all around. We can’t throw enough.
