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Sunday, November 28, 2021

Homecoming is many things for many people. It’s a time for reflection and nostalgia; a time for celebration; and, if you’re going to Gator Growl, a time for mediocre "indie" acts, former CW stars and rappers who released their best work 10 years ago. OH! *cue Andrew Dice Clay hand motion* Just kidding, T.I., we loved last year’s "About the Money," and we still love you.

We hope everybody — students, faculty, alumni and Gator families alike — find something to enjoy in this weekend’s Homecoming festivities. Without further ado, it’s time for this week’s edition of…

Darts & Laurels

We’re not going to lie to you, our adoring readership, or ourselves: This was a pretty slow news week, and the news that did emerge was pretty dire. But we’re not going to let that stop us from giving a Laurel to TransCanada, the company behind the proposed Keystone XL Pipeline, for requesting the U.S. Department of State to put its review of the pipeline on hold.

Even though the request was denied, we can’t help but feel all warm and fuzzy inside that maybe, just maybe, TransCanada may possess doubts over the future viability of the pipeline. Yes, we too can alter our perspectives on world events in order to fit the structural and format-related needs of our fine paper.

With our token Laurel out of the way, let’s get to the Darts, which, for better or worse, dominated this week’s media cycle. Let’s start with Ben Carson, quite possibly the drunkest of all the drunk uncles vying for the GOP nomination.

Beginning today, urban radio (read: hip-hop) stations in Houston, Miami, Atlanta and other cities with considerable black populations will be airing a 60-second radio spot from the Carson campaign titled "Freedom." The spot is… unconventional. Over a Jethro Tull-ian flute sample, "Christian Republican Rapper" (his words, not ours) Aspiring Mogul repeats the mantra "VOTE… INSPIRE" before spitting the most fire verse of 2015: "Ben Carson 2016/Vote and support Ben Carson for our next president, it’d be awesome."

Listeners are then treated to a soundbite of Carson saying America wasn’t made great by politicians before Aspiring Mogul concludes with "If we wanna get America back on track we gotta vote Ben Carson, that’s a matter of fact/Go out and vote."

Oh boy. Oh, man. Where do we even begin? Besides quite possibly being the most condescending, insulting political ad to ever run… you know what? No, we’re just going to leave it at that. For a man who once claimed hip-hop destroys faith, family and values, Carson seems awfully eager to simultaneously pander and mock the intelligence of his would-be supporters. For pulling this crap and believing pyramids were built by Joseph in order to serve as grain silos, Ben Carson gets a foot-in-mouth disease-afflicted Dart.

Another day, another instance of Rupert Murdoch wearing his wealth and awfulness on his sleeve. With Murdoch now firmly in control of National Geographic, one of the most meaningful publications to ever see print, he saw fit to fire 180 employees, including senior staffers. For forcing the Alligator staff to directly confront the seemingly meaningless chaos of the world, Rupert Murdoch gets an existentially despaired Dart.

According to an NPR profile Wednesday, Chris Isaak is still around and making music! We don’t listen to him, but because he gave us "Wicked Game" and we’re desperate to say anything remotely positive this week, Chris Isaak gets a sensuous, black-and-white Laurel.

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