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Sunday, November 28, 2021

Well, finals are now upon us. As many of you grab your face and cover your mouth in disbelief, curl your hair, bite your nails or indulge in other popular nervous habits of choice, take refuge in the knowledge that we’re still here, and yes, Darts & Laurels is still around to provide comfort to the afflicted.

With tears rolling down our eyes and onto our keyboards, it’s time to introduce this semester’s last edition of…

Darts & Laurels

UF President Kent Fuchs: charming UF administrator or the MOST charming UF administrator? With Fuchs’ formal inauguration occurring today after a week of celebration, it’s worth pausing to reflect on just how visible Fuchs has been since he assumed his duties in January. As quick as we are to rag on authority figures, we acknowledge that these are not positions of comfort and ease: They’re filled to the brim with bureaucracy, frustration and the need to please everyone in every conceivable scenario.

But, somehow, someway, Fuchs has managed to keep comin’ up with new ways to make it look easy, like, every single day. No, we’re not just saying this because he contributes to the Alligator from time to time (although it certainly helps) — despite being the president of a school of 50,000, Fuchs has shown more excitement and engagement with the Student Body than what many of us have grown accustomed to over our myriad years in the American education system. Look no further than his turn as Mr. Two Bits on Saturday or the almost alarming frequency with which he can be spotted chatting with students on campus.

For setting a tremendous example for the goodwill and enthusiasm a passionate public educator can engender, President Fuchs gets an orange-and-blue Laurel.

Metformin, a drug typically used to treat Type 2 diabetes, made headlines this week when researchers announced it may have anti-aging properties that could enable people to live up to their 120s. Beginning next year, scientists will begin a clinical trial to see the effects of Metformin on adults aged 70 to 80. Apparently, Metformin can slow the aging process by increasing the amount of oxygen in our body’s cells.

For reinforcing the somewhat scary fact that the future is well and truly here, Metformin gets an elderly but spry Laurel.

After an 11-year absence from television, it was announced Thursday that animated program "Samurai Jack" is returning courtesy of Adult Swim, with original creator Genndy Tartakovsky in tow. If you can’t appreciate the significance of this, you either spent your childhood outdoors, didn’t have much of a childhood to speak of or couldn’t appreciate good art as it’s staring you in the face.

As cynical as we are about current pop culture’s never-ending regurgitation of ideas and fetishizing of nostalgia, this is too damn exciting to not give this news a Laurel.

On top of spouting racist garbage, mocking the disabled and dabbling in fascism, Donald Trump can now proudly add anti-Semite to his sterling resume following comments made at Thursday’s Republican Jewish Coalition summit. Look it up for yourselves: We’re over it. Dart.

It is highly likely that in the wee hours of this morning, many students shipped off to catch the tail end of Art Basel, the annual arts and culture festival that lies at the heart of Miami Art Week. For actively fighting the more negative connotations associated with our lovely state (see: Florida Man), Art Basel gets a Laurel.

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