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Monday, May 27, 2024

Column: UF’s new uniforms are so cool they almost make me forget how bad the team is

<p>UF unveiled the alternate uniforms it plans on wearing for Saturday's game against Texas A&amp;M.</p>

UF unveiled the alternate uniforms it plans on wearing for Saturday's game against Texas A&M.

The Gators recently released photos of the alternate uniforms they plan to wear on Saturday night, and I couldn’t be more excited. The greenish-gray uniforms are designed after actual alligators and will be paired with matte green helmets featuring a Gator logo.

You’ve probably already heard about the uniforms, either from your roommate who’s looking to buy a novelty jersey, or from your grandparents who are convinced the design encourages Satanism.

Personally, I’m impressed. As I was looking at the photos on Twitter, the unique aesthetic completely distracted me from the nine UF players facing felony charges.

As I was watching a hype video the team posted, the thought never crossed my mind that more than 100 FBS teams have a more productive offense than Florida.

The more I looked at the alternates, the more I forgot that UF’s season is effectively over after five games. And the more I thought about the uniforms, the less I thought about how coach Jim McElwain — billed as an offensive genius — has scored fewer points per game at UF than Will Muschamp, the hated coach McElwain replaced.

The green jerseys look almost like camouflage, so you can’t see the team if you look at the AP Top 25. The trendy gloves are great for protecting players’ fingers as they furiously tweet their frustrations after each loss. The helmets are so safe that no one will get a concussion when McElwain throws his defense under the bus.

The best part is the “swamp green” cleats. Florida can wear them for multiple games this season since the paint from the end zone will never rub off on them.

And then it hit me: Who cares if the team is a mess as long as its uniforms are clean? I always hear analysts talking about style points. Well, if you count style points, then the Gators are the highest-scoring team in college football.

I don’t think Florida even needs to play Texas A&M on Saturday. The team has already accomplished so much this season by wearing a uniform without an orange and blue theme.

Sophomore receiver Josh Hammond put it perfectly yesterday.

“Nobody’s ever done it before,” he said after practice. “This will be a one-time thing that will go down in the history books for us because we finally got a chance to try something different in a Gator uniform.”

Josh and I are in agreement. Florida has already made history.

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Even if you don’t like the uniforms, I think you should buy them. If nothing else, they’ll keep you nice and cozy from the cold reality that your team doesn’t matter anymore.

Matt Brannon is the Alligator's sports editor. Contact him at

UF unveiled the alternate uniforms it plans on wearing for Saturday's game against Texas A&M.

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