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Saturday, April 20, 2024

Ready to get drunk in Jacksonville?

If you’re underage, you’d better not. Police are cracking down with a zero-tolerance policy for young socialites, and plainclothes officers will be patrolling the streets of downtown DUUUUVAL. We here at The Alligator do not condone your debaucherous behavior, kids. Don’t do it.

With that PSA out of the way, the players themselves should mimic the drunken of-age swarm teeming outside TIAA Bank Stadium: scrappy, belligerent and ready to forget about the past.

Before we meet our competitors, alligatorSports online editor Mark Stine and assistant editor Jake Dreilinger will break down the highly anticipated matchup between Coastal Carolina and Georgia State.  

Coastal Carolina (-3.5) will win because…

It finally found a quarterback!

Senior Kilton Anderson was serviceable for the first four games of the season. But after consecutive blowout losses to Troy and Louisiana Monroe, it was obvious that something needed to change for the Chanticleers against UMass.

True freshman Fred Payton came off the bench in the second half and went 5-for-7 passing after Anderson struggled to a 4-for-10 mark. Payton made big throws when he needed to, including a 61-yard bomb to Malcolm Williams and a 21-yarder to running back CJ Marable, both of which resulted in end-zone visits.

However, the Chanticleers will only need to rely on Payton to keep the defense honest. Its reputable run game is led by Marcus Outlow and Marable, who’ve helped Coastal Carolina to the nation’s 11th-best rushing attack by averaging 251.71 yards per game. The two have combined for 13 touchdowns and should run all over a Georgia State defense that allows 248.29 yards on the ground per contest (125th nationally) and 6.76 yards per carry.

Georgia State doesn’t provide nearly the same threat with its ground game despite facing an almost equally despicable run defense this week, so the edge in controlling the line of scrimmage has to go to the Chanticleers.

— Mark S.

Georgia State (+3.5) will win because…

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Coastal Carolina can only be good at baseball. It’s a proven fact.

Programs like the Chanticleers that win a major NCAA title can only thrive in that individual sport -- look it up, they somehow won the College World Series in 2016.

Therefore, by properties of math only UCF could think up, Coastal Carolina will lose to Georgia State due to the recent success of its baseball team.

Sure, why not?

Let’s look at more facts that may or may not matter.

Quarterback Dan Ellington is an effective dual-threat option, who has thrown for 1,474 yards and eight touchdowns. He also leads the team with 322 rushing yards and four touchdowns on the ground.

The Panthers are 1-0 all-time against Coastal Carolina, with the lone matchup coming last season. Georgia State returned the opening kickoff 90 yards to the end zone, and a fourth-quarter touchdown secured the win.

Another fact is that this matchup is also the Panthers’ homecoming game. GSU fans will be packing the Georgia State Stadium ready to watch their 2-5 Panthers pick up their third win.

The Panthers have a clear edge in this game due to circumstances out of their control. Rarely does a small-school team like Coastal Carolina, who has a great baseball program, win in football games as well.

— Jake

Now onto the picks...

In a tie for first — the first time in weeks she doesn't have sole possession of the lead — at 35-29 is Alanis “GIANTS TRADED ELI” Thames, who was ecstatic for a few seconds when it was announced that the New York Giants had traded Eli. If you heard a loud F-bomb seconds later around the Gainesville area, then that was Alanis when she found out it was Eli Apple, not Manning.

UF vs. UGA (-6.5): UGA

USF @ UH (-7): USF

WAZZU @ STAN (-3): WAZZU

TAMU @ MSST (-2): TAMU

IOWA @ PSU (-6.5): PSU

UK @ MIZZOU (-7): MIZZOU

TTU @ ISU (-3.5): ISU

CCU @ GSU (+3.5): CCU

Now neck-and-neck with Alanis is the Gainesville Sun’s Graham “Overexcited” Hall, who made sure everyone knew he went 7-1 with last weeks picks. Listen Graham, we get it. You’re excited, we all know we would be. You reminded each of us with individual texts that morning. But we don’t think Dan Mullen, Feleipe Franks and Josh Hammond give two cents over how well you can predict college football games.

UF vs. UGA (-6.5): UF

USF @ UH (-7): UH

WAZZU @ STAN (-3): STAN

TAMU @ MSST (-2): TAMU 

IOWA @ PSU (-6.5): PSU

UK @ MIZZOU (-7): UK

TTU @ ISU (-3.5): ISU

CCU @ GSU (+3.5): CCU

Coming in at third with a 32-32 record is Nick “Uniform Scooper” de la Torre, who broke the news that UF will wear its white helmets this Saturday. Nick’s always one to get the important news to his readers, like punter Tommy Townsend’s career rushing stats or his bench press numbers. Keep up the love fest, Nick. Senpai will surely notice you soon.

UF vs. UGA (-6.5): UF

USF @ UH (-7): USF

WAZZU @ STAN (-3): WAZZU 

TAMU @ MSST (-2): TAMU

IOWA @ PSU (-6.5): PSU

UK @ MIZZOU (-7): UK

TTU @ ISU (-3.5): ISU

CCU @ GSU (+3.5): GSU

Also in third is Mark “Rogue Interviewer” Stine (not Mark Long), who doesn’t play by your rules. No, he’ll walk into career day, guns a-blazin’, ready to take on the day without checking in with the folks running the event. God, what a maverick. What a take-charge guy.

UF vs. UGA (-6.5): UF

USF @ UH (-7): USF

WAZZU @ STAN (-3): STAN

TAMU @ MSST (-2): TAMU

IOWA @ PSU (-6.5): PSU

UK @ MIZZOU (-7): UK

TTU @ ISU (-3.5): ISU

CCU @ GSU (+3.5): CCU

In fifth at 31-33 is Jake “Dead Wrong” Dreilinger, who claimed Gators mascots Albert and Alberta were siblings and couldn’t be convinced otherwise. Guess what Jake, they’re supposed to be best friends, but anyone with half a brain can see Albert’s got a huge crush on Alberta.

UF vs. UGA (-6.5): UGA

USF @ UH (-7): USF

WAZZU @ Stanford (-3): WAZZU

TAMU @ MSST (-2): TAMU

IOWA @ PSU (-6.5): IOWA

UK @ MIZZOU (-7): UK

TTU @ ISU (-3.5): TTU

CCU @ GSU (+3.5): GSU

In a tie for sixth at 30-34 is the AP’s Mark “Novice Food Photographer” Long. We went back to October 17 for this one, but everyone knows you get directly above the dish when you take a photo of it. Mark, you took a photo of a turkey but chose to direct the camera into the nether regions. I’m sure it tasted great, but it looked off-putting as hell.

UF vs. UGA (-6.5):UF

USF @ UH (-7): UH

WAZZU @ Stanford (-3): STAN

TAMU @ MSST (-2): TAMU

IOWA @ PSU (-6.5): PSU

UK @ MIZZOU (-7): UK

TTU @ ISU (-3.5): TTU

CCU @ GSU (+3.5): CCU

Also in sixth is the Orlando Sentinel’s Edgar “Old Curmudgeon” Thompson, who was perplexed by a specific phrase running back Lamical Perine used after practice Tuesday. After fawning over Perine, Thompson sidled up to receiver Tyrie Cleveland and told him, “Lamical likes to say ‘You feel me.’” Edgar, dude, it’s something the kids are saying. Spend a weekend away from the golf course and go on Urban Dictionary. It’ll help you connect. You feel me?

UF vs. UGA (-6.5): UF

USF @ UH (-7): USF

WAZZU @ Stanford (-3): WAZZU

TAMU @ MSST (-2): TAMU

IOWA @ PSU (-6.5): PSU

UK @ MIZZOU (-7): UK

TTU @ ISU (-3.5): ISU

CCU @ GSU (+3.5): GSU

And in last since Week 2, at 29-35 is Morgan “Desperate Attempts” McMullen, who has twice been caught trying to shave wins off the records of fellow pickers to get out of last place. Morgan, it's clear that you’re willing to go to extremes so you won’t lose to your assistant editors, Jake and Mark S.

UF vs. UGA (-6.5): UF

USF @ UH (-7): UH

WAZZU @ Stanford (-3): WAZZU

TAMU @ MSST (-2): TAMU

IOWA @ PSU (-6.5): IOWA

UK @ MIZZOU (-7): UK

TTU @ ISU (-3.5): ISU

CCU @ GSU (+3.5): GSU

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