Women want a feminist who pays for stuff.
OK, that’s an exaggeration. But in our now complicated dating scene, where everyone has become nonchalant and avoidant, it reveals something about modern dating, where situationships reign and gender roles quietly refuse to die.
Recently, men gathered for an on-campus performative male contest. Contestants whipped out their tote bags and matcha tea lattes to see who best flaunted the performance of progressive masculinity to curate the emotional openness said to appeal to women.
As this satirical contest pops up at universities across the country, I believe it raises the question: What is the line between authentic expression and shallow image crafting? In other words, we are claiming progressiveness while still clinging to conventional roles.
We’ve all seen TikToks on the sassy man epidemic, which aim to call out men who go against the grain about their relationship responsibilities. Feminism cuts off at the surface level of misogyny; men are still expected to keep a provider mentality.
For some, it’s more of a way to continue the trophy wife trope, where women are more of an object than anything else. But social and political equality is the goal — until it’s completely inconvenient. The idea of subsidizing inequality with a man’s money ultimately hurts the feminist movement’s core values. It’s completely hypocritical to want someone to pay for your dates, your groceries or even your rent, and simultaneously expect equal participation in a relationship.
Even in the most modern relationships, certain expectations remain untouchable. The conversation of 50/50 is another perfect example of the adherence to gender roles in our current predicament of dating. Couples can sometimes split expenses — one pays rent and the other groceries, or they trade off nights out — but the division usually stops there. Women are still expected to do the housework, cook dinner and embody the general submissive housewife.
While it’s now become a choice, there is still this expectation of having a conventional relationship that is characterized by tightly woven gender roles. Men are saying they respect women and want equal participation, but it ultimately becomes moot once they get into a relationship. It’s blatant in incel communities and Andrew Tate-esque videos, where a woman’s value is solely placed on her looks and what she can provide within these gender constructs.
Ultimately, the idea of 50/50 is subjective and can look different in everyone’s relationship and is ultimately up to them. We can even argue men and women will never be equal in a heterosexual relationship due to numerous circumstances. But if we want to be serious about dismantling these norms, we have to confront the ways they live in our everyday choices.
Take proposals, for instance. We say we want equality, but the idea of a woman getting down on one knee still sends shockwaves through dinner tables. If that makes you uneasy, you’ve just met your inner patriarch.
Eriel Pichardo earned a UF bachelor’s degree in English in 2025.
