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Saturday, April 27, 2024

Jane Fonda is known for many things — sub-par acting and skewed political beliefs outstanding. However, Jane was quite the fitness beast back in her prime, producing a series of popular home workout videos.

After doing some research, I was amazed at how her videos seemed to usher in a new era of popular fitness that focused exclusively on aerobics.

I wanted to see what the big deal was. To the delight of fitness junkies and leg-warmer fetishists everywhere, her videos still are available on YouTube. The one that started it all, in 1982, was “Workout: Starring Jane Fonda.”

Of course, I had to try it out. Working out to this tape is something my mom used to do. If she could do it, I’d have no problem doing it, right?

The tape starts off harmless enough. Ultra-typical, cheesy ’80s music rings in the video to a visual of Jane and her seven closest exercise pals stretching in a circle.

Suddenly, she leaps into the air, jumps up and down, claps and shouts, “Are you ready to do the workout? Are you read to do the workout?” Her workout pals are noticeably ready to do the workout.

First comes the necessary stretching. We don’t want the homemakers following along to injure themselves, of course.

The first surprise comes as you’re stretching, feet spread apart, body bent at the waist, plunging your arms through the opening in your legs and hitting the ground with your hands before doing it again.

“Swing through!” she screams, melodically matching the beat.

“Wooo! Owww! Woooo! Ow!” Oh, yikes, I think to myself, I do hope her exercise pals are OK.

The next surprise — a Jane Fonda voice-over — comes when you’re stretching your calves in a particular maneuver that will certainly have your friends questioning your sexuality should they ever catch you doing it.

“Go for the burn! Come up as high as you can on your toes! Go for the burn!” Duly noted, Jane, but I’m a little busy worrying about not getting violated by  passersby who may see me through the window and think I’m suggesting something.

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The stretching segues into cardiovascular exercises: running in place, jumping jacks and jumping hip twists. Then she alternates between high-knee runs and low-knee runs. However, when she does the high-knee portion, she puts her left hand on her waist and raises her right hand, shaking it, totally doing a jazz hand. The only reason I can think of why she does it is that it’s just so fun to do!

Ten minutes in, we’re still doing basic arm circles. None of the women have weights. One of the two men grasps what looks like 2-pound weights, probably in a desperate effort to preserve what little dignity he has remaining in his gray tights.

I stopped the video once we had to spread our legs apart, bend our knees, tuck our elbows in and bounce softly. No one saw me, yet I was certain such a moment would come back to haunt me later.

I think one reason the videos were so popular is that women could get a burn going in the privacy of their own home, which is really the only place a woman should do this video, taking great care to make sure their lights are off and their curtains are shut.

But maybe the main reason for the videos’ popularity is even simpler. Maybe people just wanted to see Jane Fonda, wearing a striped pink leotard, lavender tights and purple leg warmers, look absolutely insane as she performed her maneuvers. Her frantic energy, puffy hair and flailing arms really just made for some quality entertainment.

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