I know everyone just can't stop talking about their new favorite expression, "Don't Tase me, bro." As much fun as it would be to tackle this obviously worthy issue, or not, I'm sick of it.
So, did anyone hear that the horizontal happy face celebrated its 25th birthday? I'm just so excited. I even baked the beloved "emoticon" - apparently that's the name experts gave the happy face - a rounded Funfetti cake, complete with yellow sprinkles, black frosting for the eyes and black licorice for the mouth. Actually I didn't, but wouldn't that be cute?
But something is missing. When the horizontal happy face first appeared, it had a nose, but it got lost over time in our hurry to type as fast as humanly possible. We need to bring back this facial feature. If I were a horizontal happy face, I would want a nose.
It's sad our society is so fast-paced we don't even have time for a nose. It's simple: Add the hyphen. For the good of humanity, add the hyphen.
I'm not just rambling about horizontal happy faces. But it was an important contribution to society. How else would we electronically express our immense happiness, make poor attempts to flirt, merely try to salvage what's left of awkward conversations and end sentences when we don't feel like using periods? Yes, the horizontal happy face surely bettered our online conversational skills.
But the point of this whole bit is we can't even find time anymore for a nose. For some reason it really struck me. Even I don't put the nose.
Am I really that busy? I barely make time to call my own family anymore. I love my family, but it's tough to realize I have to actually plan ahead to call them.
And I definitely don't cook. I know how, but I found myself looking for organic microwaveable dinners, rationalizing that they were the same as cooking a meal. Trust me - they weren't. I thought I was eating space food.
Eating while sitting down is a luxury, too. If I eat standing, I'm ready to bolt out the door at a moment's notice. I might bolt hungry, but at least I'll be able to bolt.
Most disturbing of all, I relish simple staring time. You know, the time of day when you sit - if you're lucky, lie down - and stare. That's right, I appreciate time when I vegetate while staring at a blank wall in my room.
I'm not the busiest person in the world. I'm just your average student, but I'm sure we all feel overwhelmed by life at times. But like AIM, we've adapted to no noses and no time. There are people with real problems, real worries and real responsibilities. But we all have those. Whether our's are important is subjective, but that's not for anyone else to judge.
We need to take time for ourselves sometimes. We need to control our lives instead of being swept up in a busy current of microwaveable food, penciling in appointments and eating while standing. We need to put the noses back in the horizontal happy faces because 25 years ago, we had the time for noses.
Stephanie Rosenberg is a junior majoring in journalism. Her column appears on Thursdays.
