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(11/17/16 10:45pm)
It’s a quiet November afternoon. The air is crisp, the sun is going down, and you’re sitting on your porch drinking some iced tea while reading The Independent Florida Alligator. You’re about to flip the page and make it to the Opinions Section when Lassie, the neighbor’s son’s dog, comes running up and starts barking at you. “What’s that, Lassie?” you ask while standing up, clutching the paper. Lassie continues to bark. “Timmy fell down the well?!” you exclaim, “that’s the third time this month, right?” Lassie barks quickly, confirming your suspicion of Timmy’s predictable recklessness. Hurriedly, you run over to the well, paper in hand. “Help, Mister! I can’t swim!” you hear him gurgle while he splashes about within a manageable arms reach. “Yeah, sucks to suck, Lassie. I’m about to hit page six of The Alligator, and not even your bloodcurdling cries for help can stop me from reading my favorite Alligator feature…
(11/10/16 2:11am)
Site: The Swamp (cap: 88,548)
(11/09/16 11:29pm)
While the nation’s fate hung in the balance Tuesday night, Sara Riehm went soundly to sleep, knowing all would be fine in the morning.
(10/30/16 11:30pm)
Perhaps one of the greatest challenges a humorist must face is making jokes on topics that are extremely personal. In times of heightened sensitivity, this challenge only becomes more difficult. Although jokes about things people can’t change are always dangerous territory for comedians, there’s one show on television right now that confronts autism in a way that is delicate, respectful and downright hilarious.
(10/26/16 10:30pm)
There used to be a time when movie rental stores roamed free across this vast land. Blockbuster would graze happily on its nourishing customer base. Rival species Hollywood Video would gladly pick up the scraps.
(10/14/16 12:56am)
Richard Schultz, 59, spent $19,000 perfecting a 1973 UF-themed Volkswagen VW Westfalia bus.
(10/14/16 12:51am)
Caleb Brantley / redshirt junior / 6-foot-2 / 297 pounds
(10/06/16 12:00am)
Donald Trump, the Republican presidential candidate, will hold a campaign rally Oct. 12 in Ocala.
(10/04/16 12:00am)
Animal rights advocacy can be for everyone.
(09/23/16 12:00am)
You’re sitting on the edge of a river bank, staring intently into your reflection. Minnows swim in circles around the reflection of yourself. You feel the soft breeze blow across your face, rustling the leaves of the trees behind you. It sounds like the wind is whispering something. You turn around and try to listen. Unable to make it out, you turn back to look at your reflection. To your horrid surprise, it’s gone. You feel a slimy tap on your shoulder. It’s your reflection, wet and covered in minnows. “Darts & Laurels,” it says to you. Leaning closer and closer, it says one last time before disappearing…
(09/20/16 10:26pm)
Oh, ratemyprofessors.com, my darling, my muse. How I long for your infinite wisdom during add/drop week. You show me the level of effort I will have to put into each of my courses before I even enroll. You save me money on textbooks by assuring me that my Western Civilization professor won’t use it.
(09/05/16 11:12pm)
Let’s jump right into things, shall we? I’m just kidding. I never do that — jump into things, that is. I always ramble for the first few hundred words so I can release all my pent-up charm and wit. I just watched “Back to the Future” this weekend for the first time in a while.
(08/29/16 10:17pm)
You’ve seen “SpongeBob SquarePants,” right? There’s, like, no way you haven’t. I’m pretty confident in saying it defined a generation — that’s not too far-fetched. “SpongeBob SquarePants” was a show filled with wit, character and charm. The comedy was smart despite its status as a children’s show, so we look back on it with warm regard rather than just with nostalgia goggles. But, its quality has declined in past years; the show is really a conch shell of its former self, and it’s something I’d like to analyze.
(07/27/16 11:05pm)
This is part two of a two-part interview with Logic. To read part one, check out last week’s Avenue.
(07/19/16 12:03am)
Connor Pace, who finished his first year as a law student at UF last Spring, loved the water.
(06/16/16 1:05am)
Halloween will come early Saturday in the form of Gainesville’s first National Cosplay Day.
(05/24/16 12:19am)
Florida’s subtropical climate, coupled with its proclivity for sunshine, has traditionally been an attraction for snowbirds. Now the Nile crocodile is staking its claim to call Florida home.
(04/19/16 11:23pm)
You can lead Sherman to water, but you can’t make him drink.
(04/18/16 9:37pm)
Animal welfare is an issue often overlooked by a vast majority of people. When consuming animal products, individuals often don’t realize the suffering and pain that results from the industry. As a society, it is important for us to understand the origins of the products we consume and to place economic pressure on companies that exhibit blatant disregard for animal suffering. Together, we have the ability to effect positive change in the industry by manipulating supply and demand, a process that has proven to be tremendously effective thus far. The recent policy shifts of the Carnival Corporation and Royal Caribbean Cruises are just two examples of the power consumers have to sway the policies of large corporations.
(04/07/16 12:28am)
We live in a world full of myths. Never mind the tales of Japanese-animated Italian-American plumbers loading up on mushrooms and picking fights with fire-breathing dinosaurs, nor the tales of an undocumented bunny who can’t keep track of his eggs. (And why do we insist on sending our children to pick up after his mess?) No, what we wish to discuss is the collection of falsehoods so many of us commonly accept as “probably true.”
