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Friday, March 20, 2026

Opinion: Editorials

Florida Alligator
Opinion

Oh, say can you see the nonsense

Aug. 30, 2016

It’s time we have the talk: not the momma-bird, poppa-bird talk you were warned about in elementary school (hopefully), but rather, the Colin Kaepernick talk. For those of you who don’t know, the San Francisco 49ers quarterback sparked some serious outrage when he unapologetically refused to stand up during the playing of the national anthem during Friday’s game between the 49ers and the Green Bay Packers.

Florida Alligator
Opinion

Myths Un-Mythed: old age

Aug. 29, 2016

We live in a world full of myths. Never mind the tales of Japanese-born mutant animals that enticed millions of us to actually leave our homes over the Summer and systematically enslave them within our smartphones or the tales of food items having wild sex orgy parties in supermarkets. (Don’t make the same mistake as our opinions editor and watch “Sausage Party” with your parents, thinking it’s only a comedy flick.).

Florida Alligator
Opinion

Darts & Laurels: August 26, 2016

Aug. 25, 2016

Here we are, dear readers: the end of the first week of school. It feels like only a few short hours ago we were packing our bags and kissing our families goodbye as we ventured into the abyss of collegiate life. Time flies when you’re adding and dropping classes like there’s no tomorrow. For all of our new readers out there, welcome to the Friday version of our paper, where we survey the what’s going on in the world and either praise a story with a “laurel” or banish one forever with a “dart.” So get ready for our epic roast, our salty attitude gone wild, our Fall debut of…

Florida Alligator
Opinion

A serious talk about masturbation humor

Aug. 24, 2016

Hey, Florida, we did it. For the first time in forever (Any “Frozen” fans out there?), something crazy and nationally humiliating happened, and it wasn’t in our state. Here, here: Drinks on us, everyone. According to the local Channel 8 News, police arrested a man they found publicly masturbating and “acting like (a) gorilla” at Giant Eagle Plaza in Warren, Ohio.

Florida Alligator
Opinion

Lost in a sea of Trump #2K16

Aug. 23, 2016

The media needs to relax its relentless Trump coverage. It’s already caused a lot of damage, and it will only continue to get worse.

(AP Photo/Elaine Thompson, File)
Opinion

Editorial: The bathroom battle and the need for an honest conversation

Aug. 22, 2016

Well, congratulations, Gator Nation, we made it through a successful first day together. Hopefully you now feel comfortable looking toward the rest of the semester. And even if you’re still feeling kinda “meh” about returning, consider yourself lucky — at least you got to pee in peace.

Florida Alligator
Opinion

Editorial: Reimagining the 2000 election that never was

Aug. 1, 2016

It’s the last week of classes, and you’re diligently studying for finals in a library, coffee shop or “Pokegym” of preference. At least, that’s what you tell your people back home. Of course, like any college student in 2016, you’re in awe at the debacle that is our presidential election, dying for a conclusion to the endless media cycles of the “what-he-said-versus-what-she-said” between the two main candidates.

Florida Alligator
Opinion

Darts & Laurels: July 28, 2016

July 27, 2016

Summer ’16: Here we are, dear readers — the end of an era. It’s been long, hot, sweaty, rainy, long, hot — did we mention hot? It’s crazy how time flies. Five weeks ago, so many of us returned to classes, while many others stepped on campus for the very first time: so young, fresh, innocent. Now, we’re all stuck between the misery of finals and the perilous hopes of a longer summer, watching what feels like a reprisal of “The Twilight Zone” on the news.

Florida Alligator
Opinion

Editorial: Bourne-ing down the Bern: 2016

July 25, 2016

Who doesn’t love a good conspiracy film? A lone fighter struggling against a governmental authority responsible for controversial, covert schemes and robbing our fighter of his identity? Matt Damon as Jason Bourne has satisfied such spy inklings for years and will now return. First, there was “The Bourne Identity.” Then, “The Bourne Supremacy” and “The Bourne Ultimatum.”

Florida Alligator
Opinion

Darts & Laurels: July 21, 2016

July 20, 2016

It’s been a crazy week, dear readers. Between that nonsensical WWE “Whose-nominee-is-this-guy-anyway?” deathmatch in Cleveland, Ohio, and Summer classes, it’s no wonder some of you might feel a bit overwhelmed. In times like these, kicking back and listening to some tunes might be all you need. Might we recommend to you some hot summer ’16 releases like “Dark Necessities” by the Melania Trump Chili Peppers or perhaps “Bored to Death” by Melania-182?

Florida Alligator
Opinion

Editorial: Sure, we have Pokemon, but...

July 18, 2016

Over the next week and a half, the political elite of both major parties will evolve themselves from the primaries to the general election. Afterward, the candidates will ready themselves for battle in the gym we call America, and the two political parties will find themselves, according to The New York Times, $150 million in debt to the private entities (gym leaders) that will write checks for the conventions this year — all the more reason for our representatives to prioritize donors over constituents.

Florida Alligator
Opinion

Darts & Laurels: July 14, 2016

July 13, 2016

“Most people think/Great God will come from the skies/Take away everything/And make everybody feel high. But if you know what life is worth/You will look for yours on earth: And now you see the light/You stand up for your rights. Jah!” — To quote the late great former singer of the Wailers and beloved symbol of weed and reggae himself. There’s a lot of wrong in these times we live in. Our country needs healing — and not the kind where we stop at hoping and praying for the best. Far too long we’ve been complacent in the red. Now, in the spirit of completely abrupt and random transitions…

This artist's rendering provided by NASA and JPL-Caltech shows the Juno spacecraft above the planet Jupiter. Five years after its launch from Earth, Juno is scheduled to go into orbit around the gas giant on Monday, July 4, 2016. (NASA/JPL-Caltech via AP)
Opinion

Editorial: Juno what we are saying?

July 4, 2016

So much news has happened. We can’t get to everything, but we’ll touch on a lesser-known thing and then a something-that-should-be-discussed-more thing.

Florida Alligator
Opinion

Darts & Laurels: June 30, 2016

June 29, 2016

So, here we are, dear readers: the end of June. For those of you experiencing your first few days here at UF, we at the Alligator would like to welcome you. And for those returning for Summer C, sorry break was only a week. We realize our opinions editor failed to greet you all warmly and probably frightened you a bit Tuesday by jumping straight into a bleak look at the political scene… Damn it, David… you had one job. Anyway, in the words of The Black Eyed Beans — or whatever they’re called — “Let’s get it started (ha).”

Florida Alligator
Opinion

Editorial: Apocalypse now — but, like, for real this time

June 27, 2016

The end of the world: We tease the idea here in the opinions section every now and again. Like in our opening editorial of Summer A and C—we mentioned an apocalypse was sure to come because Ted Cruz and John Kasich dropped out of the Republican presidential primary. Well, here’s the thing: We may have cried wolf a little bit.

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