Freshmen should lose the facial hair
By ANDREW PANTAZI | Aug. 24, 2010The grass is green. The flowers are blooming. And the chin pubes are sprouting.
The grass is green. The flowers are blooming. And the chin pubes are sprouting.
Happen to catch the Miss Universe Pageant Monday evening? Even know it was on TV? Yeah, we didn't either.
Here’s what it takes:
After an American soldier was killed in Iraq on Sunday following the U.S. miltary's removal of combat units from the country, we, and certainly the rest of the country, are left with a sour taste in our mouths and a yearning for what "removal of combat troops" really means - if anything.
Picture in your mind the most wonderful, pristine girl in the world. She cooks, rips your friends when they’re being complete tools, and is down for making any place her personal bedroom. For about 75 percent of you, the image of Vince’s porn-star girlfriend from Entourage pops up. Go with it. For girls, just picture Don Draper covered in flowers and Nicholas Sparks novels.
Things have changed since you left for the summer.
Whether it was the time I spent in New York, summer’s natural lack of intellectual stimulation, or my inherent love for mindless reality shows, I now find myself relating all aspects of life to the MTV hit show “Jersey Shore.”
Tyler: To start from the top, obviously Urban Meyer is Don Draper.
I’ve got some advice for freshmen.
Welcome to UF. You are now a student at the flagship academic institution of the state of Florida. With a University of Florida degree, you have endless career opportunities and a promising shot at some of the nation’s top graduate programs.
UF is a big place, and as your unofficial welcoming committee, we’re going to pass along a few tips to help you incoming freshman get accommodated a little quicker than we did.
To: The UF Freshmen and Transfer Students
Welcome to the University of Florida and The Gator Nation!
Welcome to Florida. Take out your notebook, grab a pen and get ready to take your first class because I’m about to drop some knowledge on the incoming freshmen.
The best response to being asked how you will replace a two-time-national-champion, Heisman-trophy-winning quarterback whose likeness is being constructed into a statue in the very location you are asked to replace him:
Let’s pretend your high school refused to release your grades to universities across the country.
Welcome to Year 1, A.T.
Freedom is an addictive thing, isn’t it? Each time we get a little bit more freedom to do anything, regardless of the positive or negative impacts, we cling to it like a mother clinging to her newly born baby. It is our baby. It is our everything. But why is this so? Why do we find it so difficult to let go of any kind of freedom? I would put my hard-earned Monopoly money on the reason being a human tendency, to grasp onto anything that enables us to express ourselves. Since expression can be quasi-defined as life, the opportunity to live to one’s fullest potential, which I believe is infinite, can be equated as freedom.
The Gators open up their preseason training camp today, and that can only mean one thing around these parts: UF fans already have their eyes on a trip to Glendale, Ariz., in January.