Opinions - The Independent Florida Alligator

OPINION | COLUMNS

Ninja Sex Party: an analysis of character-driven comedy and sexual humor

Nov. 14, 2016

I really like the comedy band Ninja Sex Party. It’s a good band. Members Dan Avidan and Brian Wecht portray the characters Danny Sexbang and Ninja Brian, respectively, and the band’s songs chronicle their adventures. These chronicles, per the name, are usually about ninjas, sex or parties, but every chronicle serves to flesh out the two characters. I’m going to rapid-fire some opinions about Ninja Sex Party and character-driven comedy, so strap in. Are you strapped in? You are? Are you in a car? You shouldn’t be reading the paper while driving. You’re in the passenger’s seat? You shouldn’t be reading the paper while denying your driving friend the very same pleasure. Feel free to read this column aloud to the driver so they may too revel in my coolness.

OPINION | EDITORIALS

The implications of President-elect Trump

Nov. 13, 2016

With the election slowly fading back into our national collective memory, we feel it necessary to spur a discussion about our democracy. We wish to remind our readers that democracy is more complex than formal electoral processes. It is a complex and informal grid of unwritten, collective ideologies smashing together, breaking apart and reforming anew. When Donald Trump won, it really symbolized a total breakdown of a political machine — similar to the Brexit vote. We now have the opportunity to rebuild it. We can rebuild it as a total fascist movement or we can rebuild it with a fresh start.

OPINION | COLUMNS

Dear white people: Here's what your votes taught me about this country

Nov. 13, 2016

I never had a dream wedding built-up in my mind. I didn’t plan the flavor of the frosting on my cake, even though I dreamt about eating everyone else’s food.

OPINION | EDITORIALS

Don’t abandon our future

Nov. 9, 2016

“In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock.” – Thomas Jefferson

OPINION | COLUMNS

A note to Donald Trump from a Clinton supporter

Nov. 9, 2016

Congratulations.

OPINION | COLUMNS

The power of imagination in a child’s mind

Nov. 8, 2016

We all have our own worlds inside our minds. The amount of creativity and imagination on this subconscious realm allows us to figure out things in our daily lives, cope with complicated situations and even dissipate the adversity of the moment. The subconscious actually helps us cope with issues, confront our problems and understand the real world outside our front doors every morning.

OPINION | COLUMNS

Reflection of our arguments is necessary, especially if they are published

Nov. 8, 2016

For the past two Wednesdays, Scott Stinson wrote coupled columns titled “Secular self-reflection is necessary” in which he replied to an editorial written by the Alligator’s editorial board titled “Religious self-reflection is necessary.” Stinson remarks that Mr. Editorial’s article bases its argument on multiple empty assumptions. While Stinson is right to critique Mr. Editorial’s assumptions, Stinson’s arguments need critique as well.

OPINION | COLUMNS

Clinton’s emails, Trump’s words aside — just vote

Nov. 6, 2016

The Clinton name comes with strong connotations of scandal, and this past week just added to it with the latest email snafu about Huma Abedin’s emails being on Anthony Weiner’s computer. Even if there was no criminal activity, the announcement of an investigation so close to Election Day creates doubt. Although Election Day is tomorrow, these scandals will linger long after, perhaps throughout a Hillary Clinton presidency.

OPINION | COLUMNS

Why vaccinations are a necessity and not a terrible idea

Nov. 6, 2016

As we all know, ‘tis the season. I’m not talking about Christmas season, but that is fast-approaching. Are you ready? I know I’m not. Anyway, I digress. It is certainly election season, and fewer than 48 hours after this is published, we will know who will be our president for the next four years. That is equally cool as it is terrifying. Good luck, America. Again, I kid. I am talking about flu season.

OPINION | EDITORIALS

Darts & Laurels: November 4, 2016

Nov. 3, 2016

You’re sitting in the driver’s seat of your ol’ beat-up Chevy, parked at the edge of the hill overlooking the city. He’s looking as gorgeous as ever, illuminated by the twinkling lights of the town. “The city looks beautiful from here,” you whisper to him “but not as beautiful as you.” You lean in for the kiss, and he meets you there. “I’ve never done this before,” he giggles nervously as he crawls into the back seat. “Yeah, me neither,” you whisper to yourself as you turn around and look at him. He’s smiling, waving one finger your way, silently telling you to join him. You’re about to crawl back there, but you spot a copy of the Alligator on your dashboard. “Not tonight,” you say to the guy you love, who’s been waiting a whole year for this moment. “I’ve got to read…

OPINION | COLUMNS

The problem with TV news is partisan commentary

Nov. 3, 2016

On Monday, CNN announced it would be severing ties with Donna Brazile for furnishing Hillary Clinton campaign chairman John Podesta with questions that would be asked in one of the primary debates. The emails, which were provided by a WikiLeaks email dump, reveal that Brazile sent Podesta emails describing almost verbatim some of the questions Clinton would receive. While Brazile was initially hired by CNN specifically to be a Democratic strategist, her actions were, as her CNN colleague Jake Tapper put it, “journalistically horrifying.”

OPINION | COLUMNS

False advertising: the 'No Man’s Sky' video game and consumer protection

Nov. 3, 2016

Back in 2015, Sean Murray, the head developer and mastermind behind the video game “No Man’s Sky,” appeared on the late-night programs of Jimmy Fallon and Stephen Colbert to promote a game that was very far from being finished. Then, after multiple delays, the supposedly “completed” game was released in August, only to be bombarded with poor reviews and intense criticism.

OPINION | EDITORIALS

In the riptides of ranch

Nov. 2, 2016

While we do live in an age of nostalgia, dear reader, there are some points of our childhoods that are best left untouched. If you’re a grown man and you bring a glove to a baseball game, we need to talk. If you put ketchup on your eggs, perhaps it would be best not to eat eggs in the first place. Most notably, if you dip your pizza into ranch dressing, please go find a hole somewhere on campus — there are plenty with the construction going on — and sit in it until you are ready to recognize the error of your ways.

OPINION | COLUMNS

The NFL struggles to deal with domestic violence

Nov. 2, 2016

The NFL has a problem on its hands.

OPINION | COLUMNS

What high-school sex ed really needs to add: a discussion about consent

Nov. 2, 2016

My high-school sex education was brief and to the point. “Don’t have sex, or you will suffer severe psychological and physical trauma” was the main message, hammered to the point with vivid pictures of STDs and a video where some edgy teen discussed his misadventures with sex in very forced slang dialogue. The add-on point was “If you are being physically abused by your partner, here’s a hotline you can call.”

OPINION | COLUMNS

Solitude in a world filled with billions of people

Nov. 1, 2016

This weekend, I had the pleasure to find that the band The Last Shadow Puppets covered a Leonard Cohen song titled “Is This What You Wanted.” This song talks about a breakup and how the separation has affected one of the two people. The part that immediately resonated with me was the verse that goes: “You defied your solitude/I came through alone.”

OPINION | COLUMNS

From your Student Body president: events for Civic Engagement Week

Nov. 1, 2016

Hello Gators,

OPINION | COLUMNS

Secular self-reflection is necessary for every single human being, part two

Nov. 1, 2016

Last week I discussed at length a column that appeared in the Alligator entitled “Religious self-reflection is necessary,” in which the author (whom I will call Mr. Editorial, as the author was unnamed) took the position that the world’s religions need to come to an understanding of the social context they were born out of. I’m paraphrasing his words, but he argued we have morally progressed since the founding of Christianity, Judaism and Islam. As an example of this progression, Mr. Editorial highlighted the instance of a British Muslim school teaching its young girls that being beaten by one’s husband is morally permissible, using this to show religions need reform and need to morally improve. It is this idea of moral progression that I want to flesh out in this column.

OPINION | EDITORIALS

We are only as strong as our weakest link

Oct. 31, 2016

On Monday, our editorial covered a very touchy topic. We decided to evaluate how a beloved TV show, “Bob’s Burgers,” was able to create a genuinely funny autistic character. It flirted with notions of comedic permissibility and how to identify that thin line between funny and disrespectful.

OPINION | COLUMNS

Halloween and the carnivalesque: defying expectations for one day a year

Oct. 31, 2016

For as long as I can remember, I have touted October as my favorite month and Halloween as my favorite holiday. There wasn’t a defining moment where I decided this was the case, yet this fact has remained a minor facet of my identity I often analyze around this time of year. Perhaps it came about as a result of my adoration for vampires, horror films and sinister folklore, because Halloween allowed my otherwise-bizarre fascination to be cool for just one day. Or maybe it was because of my incessant desire to subvert the social norms of my suburban South Florida environment, as Halloween gave me a parent-approved outlet to do so.