Skip to Content, Navigation, or Footer.
We inform. You decide.
Tuesday, February 27, 2024

Police officers' actions could inspire Taser free-for-all

The outrage over Monday's incident at the Sen. John Kerry lecture has gone as far as inspiring protests on campus. Students are livid about the actions of the University Police Department.

After my first look at this issue, I was shocked too. Clearly the officers had overreacted. However, after giving the situation some thought, I began to reconsider my position.

I realized the implications of the event. Through its actions, UPD has given me permission to Taser anyone who asks too many questions. I now have the power to punish all those who annoy me. I should probably get a car charger for my Taser gun because that thing will get a lot of use. I can think of six people I would've Tasered just this morning. UPD has liberated me from society's expectations that I should tolerate the intolerable masses.

I am free.

Never again will I make mindless conversation with mindless acquaintances. Attempts at chitchat will merit a Tasering. No longer will I put up with endless questions from my professors. Exams will obviously lead to group Taserings. Certainly the tasks and reprimands that my supervisors burden me with will earn them Taserings. Yes, I will utilize my Taser frequently, and according to UPD, justly.

Of course, I must acknowledge that if I have the power to freely yield my Taser, so does everyone else. This could pose a problem. People are annoyed by an endless array of things. Some people don't like it when I talk on my phone in public. I'm sure I'll get Tasered at least once a day for that.

I imagine that being Tasered is quite annoying, and I will have to Taser back. I don't suppose it will take long for chaos to erupt at UF. There will be mass Taserings all over campus.

Maybe there was a purpose behind that old notion of tolerance. Regardless, I will follow the lead of UPD. By the way, officers: I find parking tickets to be the ultimate annoyance.

Tosha Sketo is a junior majoring in psychology.

Enjoy what you're reading? Get content from The Alligator delivered to your inbox
Support your local paper
Donate Today
The Independent Florida Alligator has been independent of the university since 1971, your donation today could help #SaveStudentNewsrooms. Please consider giving today.

Powered by SNworks Solutions by The State News
All Content © 2024 The Independent Florida Alligator and Campus Communications, Inc.