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Tuesday, June 25, 2024

It's a wild, wild world. This week has proven that to us. Student Government elections always seem a little animalistic - shark-like senate candidates preying on unsuspecting students, poll workers who seemed as slow as snails, plenty of revelers at the Orange & Brew who had a whale of a time. After all, we're animals, too. So hear us roar in this week's menagerie of…

Darts & Laurels

First up, we've got a someone's-a-hypocritical-hippopotamus DART for UF President Bernie Machen and his Florida Tomorrow campaign. The fundraising kickoff was hosted at the O'Connell Center. The event featured campy Space Mountain-esque decorations and was sponsored by ABC Fine Wine and Spirits and Bacardi USA. But when Rascal Flatts came to UF in 2005, its tour sponsor, Coors Light, was banned from advertising in the O'Connell Center, in programs and even on ticket stubs.

We know what alcohol is. We see ads for it on television. We see billboards for it on the street. A lot of us see it when we open our fridges. We can even buy it on campus. Bernie has said he wants to limit student exposure to alcohol. That's fine. But don't turn around and use big-name companies as sponsors for your UF fundraiser if you won't let others.

We hand a float-like-a-butterfly-sting-like-a-bee LAUREL to Student Senator Lindsey Johns, who is also chairwoman of the Rules and Ethics Committee, for kicking out four senators at Tuesday's senate meeting. Johns is one senator who takes her job seriously, and we applaud her for that. So be warned, incoming senators: This is not just a line for your résumé. You must do your job - or you'll lose it.

Up next, we have a his-bark-is-worse-than-his-bite DART to Machen & Co. for moving Dr. Jack Kevorkian's speech to January. Bernie says this is because the investigation into "Tasergate" hasn't been completed, but we can't help but think this is because of all the controversy surrounding the speech. A repeat of the Sen. John Kerry forum is not too likely, especially since Kevorkian's speech will not have a question-and-answer session like Kerry's.

Here's a we-don't-need-to-come-up-with-an-animal-cliché-because-you're-already-one LAUREL to the Gator Party. Even though we secretly (or not) didn't want you to win, we've gotta hand it to you: You guys know how to run a campaign. You covered campus with people, handbills and stickers. You made sure as many people as possible knew you were running. And look at that - it worked. Good job for that, but don't let it get to your head. Now comes the real fun.

We couldn't have the all-animal edition without giving an all-the-cuteness-of-a-kitten-with-the-ferocity-of-a-jaguar LAUREL to the SFCC Teaching Zoo's newest edition, an ocelot named Emma. After oohing and aahing over pictures of ocelots on the Internet for 10 minutes, we're ready to head over to see the cat, along with the other 74 species at the zoo.

Finally, we have an awkward-sea-turtle LAUREL for the Undie Dash and its participants. This event encourages students to take it almost all off for charity. Of course, while standing around in your skivvies with hundreds of other students with you of every shape and size can be a little uncomfortable, the feeling of embarrassment quickly melts away. The Undie Dash is a great example of good, clean college fun with a cause. And come on - we're young and hot. We'll use any excuse to take our clothes off.

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