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Tuesday, May 14, 2024

Now that the semester is in full swing, getting to class proved to be a bit harder than usual this week.

As the newness of our schedules officially wore off, the nonstop, dreary, drizzly weather made the trek across campus all the more draining. The days seemed to blend together and had us wishing it were May already.

So take a minute or two to stop thinking about how you are already behind in your reading and join us for this week's let's-pretend-it's-summer-already edition of…

Darts & Laurels

Those of you that who are planning to be in Gainesville for the summer were probably pleased with UF President Bernie Machen's announcement Thursday to not cancel classes because of recent state budget cuts. And I'm sure he's relieved because if we didn't have classes to go to, we'd be spending, well, the weekends at Bernie's.

So, we hesitantly offer him a we're-happy-that-you-took-off-your-sunglasses-and-saw-the-light LAUREL for making the decision to keep our long-standing graduation plans intact. However, we can't help but feel like we were tricked by what was probably a political move.

We follow suit and hand over a you-can't-just-shrug-it-off-like-it's-a-little-sunburn DART to Provost Janie Fouke. When it was announced that UF had fallen in the ranks for the number of National Merit Scholars in this year's freshman class, she expressed that the university had expected it and that it wouldn't affect the quality of admitted students. Despite the fact that this had been a major bragging point for UF in the past, she went so far as to say that because the university met its goal of increasing competitiveness for admissions, it is time to invest in something else. We say, if it's working, then why change it?

But, one change we are proud of this week actually came out of Tallahassee. It's with a lot of satisfaction that we present our permanently bronzed Gov. Charlie Crist with a don't-let-them-get-away-with-hurricane-season-gouging-this-time LAUREL for his continuous crusade to stop insurance companies from swindling Floridians. Allstate Insurance Co. was suspended from doing business in Florida on Thursday after the company failed to comply with a subpoena seeking information on property coverage rates.

Speaking of protecting residents, we offer a you-can't-reasonably-expect-tenants-to-climb-stairs-in-the-heat DART to Paradigm Properties, the company that manages College Park Towers. As one of the more prominent rental companies in Gainesville, it's unacceptable that management was aware the complex's elevator had operated after the expiration date of the license.

This is just another of the many examples of landlords taking advantage of college students with limited budgets.

Of course, this week's edition wouldn't be complete without mentioning the controversial $50,000 visit from Jack Kevorkian that had campus abuzz. When students went to the O'Connell Center on Tuesday night expecting to hear Kevorkian's position on euthanasia, they were instead met with a rambling political diatribe centered on the Ninth Amendment. This debacle compels us to give a final good-job-for-financing-Dr.-Death's-next-luxury-vacation DART to Accent, Student Government's speakers bureau. Either it didn't do its research before his visit - even with the three extra months to look into it after Tasergate pushed back the date of the speech - or they blantantly disregarded the fact that Kevorkian couldn't discuss his views on assisted suicide on conditions of his parole. Whatever the case, the speech was irrelevant and a waste of student money.

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