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Wednesday, February 28, 2024

The cold weather has made it hard for us to believe that we've finished the last full week of classes for the semester. Though we're looking forward to the end of finals - and that walk across the stage for those of us graduating - we here at the Darts & Laurels department are going to miss reviewing all the crazy things that happen in Gainesville. So as you stock up on caffeine and take advantage of those extended study hours at Library West, take a second to join us for this week's edition of…..Darts & Laurels.

First up, a thanks-for-getting-rid-of-the-only-reason-we-listened-to-you DART goes to our former favorite radio station, 100.5 The Buzz. While we understand that a radio station wants to attract the largest audience possible, we don't understand why a station in an area with such a rich local music scene would turn to pseudo-alternative programming to make a quick buck.

If we wanted to hear endless repeats of Linkin Park or Fall Out Boy and other more "listenable" music, we would have been listening to any of the other "rock" stations. The claim that the programming was just not popular is lame. What they really should have said was that it just wasn't bringing in the green. Why don't you just sell out to Clear Channel Communications already and make your transformation complete?

A don't-you-seem-a-little-too-eager-to-get-those-needles-ready DART goes out to our orange-glow Gov. Charlie Crist. Since the U.S. Supreme Court rejected arguments that lethal injections are cruel and unusual punishment this week, Crist didn't waste any time asking for a list of the worst death row inmates.

He plans to sign his next death warrant as soon as possible, arguing that justice delayed is justice denied. We guess they don't call him "Chain Gang Charlie" for being soft on crime, but we're thinking there's a reason former Gov. Jeb Bush put a moratorium on state executions.

Next up, a we-can't-make-this-crap-up DART goes to state Sen. Cary Baker, who proposed a bill that would make it a moving violation to hang TruckNutz, or replica bull testicles, from a truck hitch or car. Baker said the adornments are "not appropriate," and the Senate kept the provision in the bill Thursday. Those caught with the nuts on their vehicles would be subject to a $60 fine and points on their driver's license.

Though it's not the most pleasant thing to look at when you're stuck behind someone at a red light, we can't believe the issue made it all the way to the Senate floor. We don't know what's worse: the fact that the Legislature is wasting valuable time on non-issues like bull nuts during an economic crisis or our next did-you-really-just-say-that-out-loud DART recipient, state Sen. Jim King's comments. The Republican from Jacksonville said he had a set of the testicles on his own truck, which he went on to describe as "all pimped out." He also defended them as "an expression of truckliness." Things like that make us cringe to admit we're Floridians.

Finally, we offer a maybe-it's-the-long-overdue-step-toward-healing LAUREL to Pope Benedict XVI for initiating a private meeting with victims of the Boston clergy sex abuse. He even went on to agree that the scandal was "very badly handled," and he promised to keep the victims and their families in his prayers. Though many may believe that the action is too little too late, we think the Pope is setting the tone for the rest of his leadership.

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