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Wednesday, February 28, 2024

This week it seems that along with the pollen and spring, protesting is also in the air. Whether it's the anti-war protestors on the corner of 13th Street and University Avenue, the hunger strikers staking it out in front of Bernie's office or the maniacs trying to extinguish the Olympic torch, it's hard to keep up with who's mad at who for what these days. So, here at Darts & Laurels headquarters, we'll keep it simple for you this week and let you know what should really be pissing you off. Get your signs ready and practice your angry chants for this week's edition of Darts & Laurels.

A you-didn't-just-burn-the-bridge-you-blew-it-up DART goes to Dean Bruce Kone down at the College of Medicine. His Friday e-mail to UF President Bernie Machen's staff about his treatment due to the admissions scandal - he admitted a politically connected applicant who didn't take the MCAT in case you missed it - reveals an arrogant, self-entitled rant. In addition to calling Gainesville a small town with "small minds," he went on to say the UF was "stuck in mediocrity" because of its leadership. Unless he has a good excuse for his asinine comments, we hope it's the beginning of his downfall. Maybe if he's gone, we can get out of his so-called "mediocrity." But then again, since he considers a student who never even took the MCAT to be "exceptional," we're guessing his gauge of excellence is twisted anyway.

Speaking of lacking qualifications, we dole out a don't-your-constituents-at-least-deserve-a-decent-explanation DART to student Sen. Sheldon Nagesh. While he did resign due to the backlash from his numerous addresses, saving us all the trouble of having to hear the Orange and Blue Party's complaints, he definitely copped out. His lame explanation that attacks against him prevented him from providing an "effective contribution" makes us more than happy to see him go.

A is-this-what-bored-cheerleaders-do-in-the-off-season? DART goes to the Lakeland teenagers who videotaped the beating of a 16-year-old girl they held against her will. Not only was the attack brutal, but the less-than-brilliant girls were taping it to post it on YouTube. We don't know what's more disturbing, watching the tape or hearing it repeat on the cable news networks as if it were the most important thing in global events. Hate to break it to you, CNN, but this happens at high schools across inner-city America every day.

Next up, an are-you-just-looking-to-collect-stories-for-your-grandchildren-before-you-graduate? DART goes to members of Students for a Democratic Society who are participating in a hunger strike until Machen has lunch with them to discuss the investment of UF's endowment. Though it was fun to humor them with their melodramatic last vegetarian meal (it doesn't get more cliché than that), we don't really think the only option they have is to deny themselves food - and we don't think eating fruit really counts as a hunger strike anyway. And after hearing the controversial accounts of Iraq Veterans Against the War this week, we're wondering why their outrage isn't directed somewhere else.

Our only well-that-kind-of-makes-up-for-cutting-our-Bright-Futures-book-allowance LAUREL goes to the Florida Senate. A committee unanimously approved a bill that could reduce book costs for college students by making schools confirm that required new editions are actually different from earlier editions. The bill also requires that book titles be posted online at least 30 days before a class begins so students have options to buy books from multiple sources to save money.

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