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Sunday, June 23, 2024

He Says...

Nothing can make you go from ecstasy to agony faster than pulling out of your lady friend only to witness the mangled wreckage that used to be your condom. Instead of giving yourself a celebratory pat on the back for another job well done, you must now act with Jack Bauer-like cunning to ensure that in nine months, you won’t be in a delivery room yelling “Push!”

Luckily, the science community has bestowed upon us the perfect solution for when your Trojan decides to fall apart like Tim Tebow at the Senior Bowl: Plan B. Fellas, I’m sure you know all about “The Pill.” Consider Plan B “The Other Pill.” This emergency contraceptive gives your lady a super dose of hormones, and assuming she takes it within a couple of days of the incident, prevents her from getting pregnant.

But don’t expect this contingency plan to be as cheap as the one-night stand that got you into this mess. Typically, Plan B sells for about $50.

If the lady in question is your girlfriend, or you just happen to be a nice guy, go to Walgreens and drop the cash.

If she is some random girl you don’t plan on seeing again and you wanna be an asshole, feel free to leave her hanging. If she threatens that she won’t take the pill unless you pay, call her bluff. Around Day 2, she will be driving to CVS so fast you would think she was Danica Patrick.

Of course, I don’t condone such douchebaggery. My suggestion: Offer to throw down half, that way she feels comfortable taking the pill, you don’t come off like a jerk and you leave the door open for a future booty call.

Ladies, to avoid the panic that occurs when he tells you that his rubber broke, be proactive and have Plan B at your house, just in case. Too embarrassing? Imagine how we guys feel when we have to go up to the 60-year-old female cashier with a box of condoms and a container of lube.

Speaking of condoms, guys, learn the right way to use it. That reservoir tip is there for a reason; make sure to leave enough room. And unless you are hung like Greg Oden, don’t buy Magnums. The golden package may impress her at first, but trust me, she is not gonna be too happy when it falls off and you are trying to fish it out of her.

And finally, if at any point during sex you say to yourself, “This feels really good all of a sudden,” you might want to get a status report on your condom. Otherwise, get ready to dial up Plan B.

She Says...

Accidents happen. Condoms break.

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You forget to take your pill or you’re not on the pill and he doesn’t pull out.

Whatever the scenario, the freak-out follows – obsessing over when your last period ended, cursing yourself for having sex in the first place, and maybe even googling abortion clinics. Er, I mean, shmashmortion clinics.

Relax and praise the sexual health gods. You have Plan B, a little pill that offers another option, saving you from a bigger decision that no one, regardless of which side of the issue you fall on, ever wants to think about.

 Plan B is not an abortion pill, explained Phyllis Craig, registered nurse practitioner and women’s health expert at the Student Health Care Center. It only changes the uterine environment, making it harder to get pregnant. It does what the birth control pill does, except after the act.

With the advent and growing popularity of this helpful tool, some etiquette regarding its use needs to be discussed.

Craig recommends keeping a pack of Plan B pills in your bathroom for these scary occasions. If you’re 18 or older, you do not need a prescription, and you can get it at the Student Health Care Center or any pharmacy.

But Plan B is not a suitable plan A. Not only does it not protect against STDs, it’s not as effective as being on the regular pill, and at about $50, it’s expensive, Craig said.

And guys, you are not exempt from worrying about this. If an accident happens, you should offer to help your girlfriend (or the girl you brought home last night) secure a dose, meaning drive her to Walgreens and cough up $25. The least you can do is offer because the haunting thoughts of unwanted pregnancy are much worse for her, and she’ll appreciate the thought, trust me.

In regards to this, Craig agreed, saying she often sees partners accompany women seeking emergency contraception at the Women’s Clinic.

 “This is a mutual responsibility,” she said. “It’s a discussion couples should be having.”

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