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Monday, October 18, 2021

Hang in there, Gators, the weekend is almost here. And after hearing several of you vomiting in our parking lot after a “successful” St. Patrick’s Day, we’re sure you’re ready for it.

But pull yourselves together long enough for us to present you with the we’re-guessing-a-lot-of-you-never-want-to-see-green-beer-ever-again edition of Darts & Laurels.

In other, less disgusting news, Students for a Democratic Society organized a pretty successful, peaceful protest against the University Police Department Tuesday.

About 300 people marched to Emerson Alumni Hall to hand UF’s Board of Trustees members a list of demands. Then about 100 people staged a two-hour sit-in before marching to Tigert Hall.

So we’re going to throw a we-know-you’re-angry-but-thanks-for-keeping-it-peaceful LAUREL to SDS.

You all assembled a lot of angry people but managed to conduct a peaceful protest.

Now for a group of people not deserving of any praise. Those pesky Catholic priests are at it again. On Thursday, CNN reported that a tape surfaced of an 82-year-old priest from Brazil having sex with a 19-year-old altar boy.

According to the article, there are child abuse allegations against priests in Ireland, Germany, Austria and the Netherlands.

That’s why we’re going to throw a why-don’t-you-try-giving-up-sex-scandals-for-Lent? DART to dirty Catholic priests.

On a more positive note, we’re glad to see Dennis Kucinich has come to his senses and decided to support health reform.

We were getting ready to launch a we-hope-you-realize-that-if-you-vote-no-this-thing-may-never-pass DART, but in light of his flip-flop, we filed the pointed edges off several darts and fashioned them into a we’re-glad-you-finally-came-to-your-senses-and-realized-that-something-is-better-than-nothing LAUREL for Kucinich for stepping down off his handmade pedestal and supporting health care reform. It’s not perfect, but it’s the only option.

And we’re hoping the flip-flopping is contagious. Hank Skinner, a Texas man accused of killing his wife and her sons, has been begging for years for the courts to test his DNA against evidence found at the scene.

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But for reasons unfathomable to us, they continue to refuse. He’s set to die next week, and we hope the courts come to their senses and let the DNA be tested before his death sentence is carried out.

But for now, we’re climbing over the barbed-wire fences and throwing a how-can-you-pretend-what-you’re-doing-isn’t-wrong DART at the Texas legal system for not giving a potentially innocent man the chance to live.

And we have another bone to pick with Texas.

We’re wondering what exactly makes it think it has license to change U.S. history. Earlier this week, the Texas State Board of Education endorsed teaching history and social studies with a conservative spin. “Capitalism” would become “free market,” “democratic” would become “constitutional republic,” and they’d make it seem as though the World War II internment of Japanese-Americans wasn’t racially motivated.

So we’re tearing a page out of one of their proposed bogus textbooks, folding it into a paper plane and flying a while-you’re-at-it-why-don’t-you-add-in-some-unicorns DART at the Texas education system for trying to make history fit its agenda. Sure, it’s convenient. But how about writing a novel instead?

That’s all for now. Go finish sleeping off your hangovers, drink lots of fluids, and we’ll see you next week.

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