Oh God, We're not tops in partying! Get over it.
HOLY-JUMPING-JESUS-ON-A-POGO-STICK-WE-DROPPED-IN-THE-PARTY-SCHOOL-RANKINGS-LIFE-AS-WE-KNOW-IT-IS-OVER-LET'S-GO-PLAY-TIC-TAC-TOE-ON-OUR-WRISTS-WITH-RAZOR-BLADES-AND-LISTEN-TO-KELLY-CLARKSON-RECORDS!! GAAHHH!!
Oh wait, you have a life and don't actually lose sleep over an arbitrary set of numbers? How silly of us to assume otherwise.
In case you missed the barrage of Facebook statuses, poorly executed jokes and corny text messages from your mother showering you with pseudo-praise and awkward "LOLs," our mighty UF, the very school Twitterverse has ordained "the Worldwide Leader in Jorts," has fallen from its glorious mountaintop of alcoholism to No. 9 in the Princeton Review's Party School Rankings. Oh, and FSU beat us. Oh, the humanity!
Let's make one thing clear: If you are in any way disappointed or discouraged that UF dropped in these rankings or believe this inhibits you from maximizing your raging capabilities, you need to be beaten mercilessly to within an inch of your life or just be put down. Seriously, not one of you is going to go out this weekend and not have just as much of a good time as you did the week before because a bunch of suits who would probably try to order Merlot at Salty Dog decreed that eight other schools know where to get better booger sugar. The ones who legitimately rejoiced when our school hit the one spot and cried when we dropped are the people you really don't want to party with. Heck, you don't want them to even give you a ride home; their music probably sucks.
So when the FSU student you're watching while his parole officer is out of town boasts about his school being able to hold its liquor better, just tell him he's adopted and his parents don't love him - commie bastard!
