I read a lot. It’s my escape, like wearing a pair of meggings (man leggings).
Or like reading while wearing a pair of meggings.
Every year I look forward to the newspaper or magazine articles and TV shows that recap the highlights, as if they think Americans suck at remembering things.
Which we do.
My favorites are the ones that highlight words and phrases. Y’know, the words and phrases that are overused, often stupid? Then, they ban them — as they should.
We should start treating people like we treat words. If we can ban the stupid things people say, then wouldn’t it just make sense to ban the stupid people?
Warren Buffett: He’s a pinhead. And had we rolled off the “fiscal cliff,” he would have been in the driver’s seat, steering the banned wagon.
To recap, Buffett’s one of the wealthiest schlubs on the planet — next to Al Gore after he sold Current TV to Al Jazeera.
Before the tax hikes, of course.
Buffett also believes the wealthiest aren’t paying their fair share, but his secretary is.
He pounded that statement harder than the U.S. Consulate in Benghazi, Libya, while receiving more support from the White House than the U.S. Consulate in Benghazi did.
For the record, he makes his money off investments.
Buffett is taxed at the 15 percent cap gains rate, which recently went up.
Unlike his secretary, however, he’s effectively taxed twice: once on his income and once on his investments.
Theoretically, he likely paid 35 percent on his original income, invested the remaining 65 percent and paid an additional 15 percent on any capital gains.
In other words, he paid his fair share, whether he thinks so or not. In double other words, he can get lost — or write a check to the federal government.
Or both.
Sandra Fluke: She’s a whine ball.
Before graduating cum laude, Fluke attended Georgetown University Law Center. Georgetown, a private university, is the oldest Jesuit school in the U.S.
It’s affiliated with the Roman Catholic Church, which means birth control is a no-no, which means it’s not covered under their health plan.
Which sucked for Sandra.
But that didn’t stop the then 30-year-old law student from voicing her opinion, demanding the religious institution’s insurance policy pay for birth control.
To wrap things up, unlike the Catholics, asking a private Catholic university to provide birth control is like asking the Hare Krishnas to serve meat, Chick-fil-A to stay open on Sundays or Satchel’s to accept credit and/or debit cards.
If they don’t cater to your needs, then find a new caterer. It’s not their problem.
It’s yours.
PSY: He’s anti-American.
Or “was” anti-American.
I hope he disappears like the Dixie Chicks.
Rob Parker: He’s a racist, sort of.
Parker’s the black ESPN commentator who asked Robert Griffin III if he was a “brother” or a “cornball brother.”
Apparently, RGIII is a Republican who has a white fiancee, which to poopheads like Rob Parker, is probably worse than a white woman whose fiance is a black Republican.
One would think RGIII beat the hell out of his dogs.
But he didn’t.
And it’s not just the jerks like Parker who I’m referring to. It’s the people who can say whatever they want about whoever they want because they’re like them — sort of.
Because they’re black, or a feminist, or a peace nut, or a greenie, “the rules of hypocrisy are suspended,” wrote Greg Gutfeld in “The Joy of Hate: How to Triumph Over Whiners in the Age of Phony Outrage.” “Crusading as a phony bleeding heart allows you to be a real-life asshole.”
And it’s true.
These people include: comedians like Bill Maher and Jimmy Fallon, journalists like Ed Schultz, politicians like Barney Frank, commentators like Kenny Mayne and athletes like Mike Tyson.
In closing, let’s ban them all and send them to another country.
Like France.
Or California.
Erik Skipper is an economics sophomore at UF. His column runs on Wednesdays. You can contact him via opinions@alligator.org.
