For the Lolz is a humor blog. It's a sarcastic take on the world around us. Please read the posts in this section with a light heart and eager smile.
Every summer brings with it a slew of diverse, large budget Hollywood films filled with explosions and perfectly sweaty movie stars. However, it can sometimes be difficult to decide which ones to see and which ones to laugh about when your friends bring them up. Don't worry though; what follows is a little glimpse into the future to help you decide which movies are worth seeing this summer.
Oblivion
Release Date: April 12
Stars: Tom Cruise, Morgan Freeman
Preview: Oblivion takes place a few decades into the future when the world as we know it has ended and also become a lot more mysterious. As per usual, Tom Cruise is in charge of kicking ass and uncovering the mysteries of this future earth. With Morgan Freeman reprising his role as God from Bruce Almighty and Tom Cruise playing yet another guy named Jack, there are a lot of high expectations for this movie.
Trailer:
Rating: 3 out of 5 snaggle tooths. Expect another slightly above average movie from the snaggle-toothed Tom Cruise (see picture above for close up).
The Lords of Salem
Release date: April 19
Stars: Sheri Moon Zombie
Preview: This movie is directed by a fellow named Rob Zombie.
Trailer: Warning! This trailer contains disturbing content and I'm not just talking about the white girl with dreads.
Rating: 0 out of 4 Little Nickys. If you think life is a nice thing, stay far away from this move.
Star Trek Into Darkness
Release Date: May 17
Stars: Chris Pine, Benedict Cumberbatch!!!
Preview: More space stuff happens on a much larger and more intense scale. Following up an excellent rebirth of the franchise, this movie might possibly have the highest expectations of any this summer. Besides the increased budget, this movie also has a legitimately awesome villain. For any of you are unfamiliar with Benedict Cumberbatch, let me just tell you that if I was a girl, I would want to have his babies. Actually, if it was possible for men to get pregnant, I would also like to have his babies.
Trailer:
Rating: 1,000 out of 1,000 William Shatners. Great villains are what separate the good movies from the best ones and I fully expect this movie to be one of the best of the entire summer.
After Earth
Release Date: June 7
Stars: Will Smith, Jaden Smith
Preview: Taking place one thousand years after humanity was forced to leave Earth (this seems familiar), Will Smith and son Jaden find themselves stranded on the lonely planet after a crash landing. Directed by M. Night Shyamalan (The Sixth Sense), there are certain to be a couple of twists and turns along the way. Spoiler Alert: they are both each other's imaginary friends the whole time.
Trailer:
Rating: 7 out of 10 Spoiled Princes. Will Smith has had an amazing track record of successful summer blockbusters. Additionally, it is clear that both Will and son Jaden have turned up their acting skills a few notches. Those futuristic accents are on point!
White House Down
Release Date: June 28
Stars: Channing Tatum, Jamie Foxx
Preview: In a year that can't get enough of movies centered around attacks on the White House (see Olympus Has Fallen), comes White House Down, the long awaited sequel to Magic Mike. After changing his name and becoming a DC cop, Channing Tatum is challenged with protecting the president and saving his daughter. Basically, this is Olympus has Fallen with more attractive actors and a less cool name.
Trailer:
Rating: 4 out of 15 G.I. Joes on stripper poles. Maybe this is the turning point in Channing Tatum's career where we can finally start taking him seriously as an actor. More likely, this is just another bad action movie.
Pacific Rim
Release Date: July 12
Stars: Idris Elba, Charlie Day...?
Preview: In this sequel to Real Steel, and Transformers 3 and prequel to every other apocalypse movie this summer, the human race fights (using massive robots, of course) a bunch of aliens that are threatening to destroy the earth. Somewhere in all this, Charlie Day (from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia) fits in, hopefully as a Cajun congressman from Maine.
Trailer:
Rating: 0 out of 1 million Shia Labeoufs. This movie is going to be poop.
Elysium
Release Date: August 9
Stars: Matt Damon, Jodie Foster
Preview: Set in the year 2159, when the Earth's remaining inhabitants are living in ruins and civilized society resides in a space utopia, Matt Damon takes on a mission to help bring equality to the people of Earth. Damn Hollywood, you creative.
Trailer: There is no official trailer for Elysium yet. See the trailers for Oblivion and After Earth in the mean time.
Rating: 1 out of 1 Good Will Poachers. Of the three apocalyptic themed movies coming out this summer, this one has the most potential to be a good movie. Elysium is set close enough in the future that we can actually relate to it and it's exploration of the disparity between classes will likely point out many issues in our own society.
