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Tuesday, May 28, 2024

Movie remakes that make me want to throw up

Throughout cinematic time, movies have been made that made people want to laugh, cry or scream. They had deep plots, character development, amazing scores, and taught us lessons about life, love, friendship and whatever else. Since Hollywood is a money-guzzling machine, directors there try to squeeze out every cent that they can from movies that have already come out. Movies that were already amazing and successful in their own right are taken, and beat up by these uncreative big guys in their Hollywood offices and made into the garbage you see today.


John Carpenter’s classic independent movie, Halloween, is one of the best scary movies ever. It is built on mystery, suspense and has you hoping to God that you don’t have some crazed serial killer family member out there tracking you down. Unfortunately, Rob Zombie’s remake was scary…scary in the sense that it was so bad. Rob took out of the true suspense and just throw in as much blood, gore, and tastelessness as he could.


Another classic scary movie, Psycho, such a divine piece of cinema was sadly, sadly remade in 1998 staring Anne Heche and Vince Vaughn. Now don’t get me wrong, I love me some Vince , but there was absolutely no need for this movie to be remade. Not only is it a classic, so everyone just needed to leave it alone in the first place, but it was a shot-for-shot remake, meaning every scene was identical. The director who did this could not even be creative enough to try to add some new factors or plot into the movie.  Right here is just another case of if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

Charlie and the chocolate factory

Children everywhere know this story. A poor little boy whose dreams come true when he gets to tour his favorite magical, mystical chocolate factory. Tim Burton decided to take this film and amp it up with his own unique twist. However, all he did was stab my, and just about everyone else’s childhood right in the heart. He made it weird, awkward and extremely uncomfortable to watch. Please Tim, stick to making your own classics like Nightmare before Christmas.


Comic genius Dudley Moore starred in Arthur in 1981, a movie about a rich playboy who had to choose between keeping his fortune or the love and affection of a very quirky Liza Minnelli. It was a sweet, cute, feel-good movie that people of all ages love. Then...2011 came around and the horrible, untalented, and just…uggggh Russell Brand had to come along and ruin it! His too tight leather pants must be squeezing any common sense that he has left out of him because if he had known any better he would have known to leave this film alone!

I get it Hollywood. You see something from 20 years ago was popular and you figure if you remake it and add some modern twists to it you will make tons of cash. But how about instead, you just try to be a little creative and make something original that doesn’t suck every once and a while.

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